The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The aritcle posits that it there is a relationship between first born primates and having higher levels of cortisol which is a hormone that is released during exciting or stimulating events. The study only included a sample of 18 rhesus monkies, and then jumped to the fact that this same phenomona is seen in first born human children, and mother monkeys that have given birth for the 1st time. The first glaring issue with this argument is that, the sample size is very specific and fairly small, and it is compared to two other instances found in very different populations, thus tracking the validity of this phenomena is difficult given the lack of and variation in data. Furthermore, the old addage correlation does not equal casuation is warented here. Perhaps there is something that is linking this higher amount of cortisol, but a better catalyst might be age of the primate and not just birth order.
The first bit of evidence given is that , 1st born monkeys were shown to produce higher levels of cortisol, when stimulated than did their younger siblings. Well, there are two factors at play here, the primate was born first, but also the primate is older than the sibblings it is being compared to. So, a way of conducting a less variable study would be to test all of the primates, in a family at the same age. For example, test the first born’s cortisol levels at 8 weeks old, then test the next born primate’s cortisol levels at 8 weeks old, if the levels are the same, and they are compared to the levels of a younger primate, perhaps it is age and not birth order that is effecting these levels. Certainly, more than 13 primates would need to be tested, and age of testing should always be the same during the experiment. Another way of trying this experiment would be to test one group of first borns at the same age, and then test another group of 1st borns all at a same age which is older or younger than the first group. Either way, more than one factor should be considered before it is concluded that the correlation between birth order and cortisol levels is also the causation of the elevated levels.
Similarly, a study in humans, should be performed in the same way. Again, it would need to be determined if it is age, or birth order that is causing the difference in cortisol levels. The last exapmple and argument in the article is an insteresting one. The fact that primates that are first time mothers, produced more cortisol, does seem to suggest that it is something about the first born, that effects the hormone levels in the mother. Then again, age can should still be considered. Variance in the age at which monkeys give birth might not vary as much as it does in humans, but it most likely still varies, there for, testing 1st time mothers at the same age, would be an important step in determining the valididty of this hypothesis.
Over all, this article has presented too many variables and not enough data to in order to make it’s conclusion convincing. The correlation between coritsol levels and birth order is interesting, but the causation behind the variance in cortisol levels is the real question. A well researched and tested answer to that question would be much more significant that an interesting correlation.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: The aritcle posits that it there is a relationship between first born primates and having higher levels of cortisol which is a hormone that is released during exciting or stimulating events.
Error: aritcle Suggestion: article
Sentence: The study only included a sample of 18 rhesus monkies, and then jumped to the fact that this same phenomona is seen in first born human children, and mother monkeys that have given birth for the 1st time.
Error: monkies Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: phenomona Suggestion: phenomena
Sentence: Furthermore, the old addage correlation does not equal casuation is warented here.
Error: warented Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: casuation Suggestion: causation
Error: addage Suggestion: adage
Sentence: Well, there are two factors at play here, the primate was born first, but also the primate is older than the sibblings it is being compared to.
Error: sibblings Suggestion: siblings
Sentence: The last exapmple and argument in the article is an insteresting one.
Error: insteresting Suggestion: interesting
Error: exapmple Suggestion: example
Sentence: Variance in the age at which monkeys give birth might not vary as much as it does in humans, but it most likely still varies, there for, testing 1st time mothers at the same age, would be an important step in determining the valididty of this hypothesis.
Error: valididty Suggestion: validity
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sample arguments:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 10 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 575 350
No. of Characters: 2631 1500
No. of Different Words: 223 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.897 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.576 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.405 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 171 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 120 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 85 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 47 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 27.381 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.273 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.857 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.32 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.484 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.055 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 397, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...that have given birth for the 1st time. The first glaring issue with this argument ...
^^^
Line 1, column 609, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'these'?
Suggestion: these
...ulations, thus tracking the validity of this phenomena is difficult given the lack o...
^^^^
Line 3, column 41, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
... The first bit of evidence given is that , 1st born monkeys were shown to produce ...
^^
Line 3, column 366, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
... a less variable study would be to test all of the primates, in a family at the same age. ...
^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, furthermore, if, similarly, so, still, then, thus, well, for example, in the same way
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 43.0 19.6327345309 219% => Less to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 23.0 11.1786427146 206% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 20.0 13.6137724551 147% => OK
Pronoun: 37.0 28.8173652695 128% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 62.0 55.5748502994 112% => OK
Nominalization: 18.0 16.3942115768 110% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2721.0 2260.96107784 120% => OK
No of words: 575.0 441.139720559 130% => OK
Chars per words: 4.73217391304 5.12650576532 92% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.89685180668 4.56307096286 107% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.52426495841 2.78398813304 91% => OK
Unique words: 246.0 204.123752495 121% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.427826086957 0.468620217663 91% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 842.4 705.55239521 119% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 11.0 1.67365269461 657% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 27.0 22.8473053892 118% => OK
Sentence length SD: 66.3673894732 57.8364921388 115% => OK
Chars per sentence: 129.571428571 119.503703932 108% => OK
Words per sentence: 27.380952381 23.324526521 117% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.90476190476 5.70786347227 86% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.20758483034 122% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.67664670659 192% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.12761887526 0.218282227539 58% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0463079203454 0.0743258471296 62% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0392351133927 0.0701772020484 56% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0939403539824 0.128457276422 73% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0156014776603 0.0628817314937 25% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.5 14.3799401198 101% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 52.53 48.3550499002 109% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.6 12.197005988 103% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.45 12.5979740519 83% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.02 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 111.0 98.500998004 113% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 18.0 12.3882235529 145% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.8 11.1389221557 115% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.