The following appeared on the School of Music Web site.
"The Mozart School of Music should be the first choice for parents considering enrolling
their child in music lessons. First of all, the Mozart School welcomes youngsters at all ability
and age levels; there is no audition to attend the school. Second, the school offers
instruction in nearly all musical instruments as well a wide range of styles and genres from
classical to rock. Third, the faculty includes some of the most distinguished musicians in
the area. Finally, many Mozart graduates have gone on to become well-known and
highly paid professional musicians."
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the
argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and
what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
In the argument, the author offers four reasons to choose Mozart School of Music, including the easy admissions, comprehensive teaching styles, distinguished faculties and excellent graduate feedback. While the aforementioned factors are significant in choosing school and Mozart School of Music seems plausible in those factors, there are still some unsubstantiated assumptions, which will undermine the credibility of the argument.
To begin with, the author assumes the easy access constitutes high quality education. However, this conception is noting but counterintuitive for anyone who has been educated in formal school. Because it is widely accepted that schools with strict admission requirements usually provide better education, such as Oxford University. Therefore, without more information to associate easy admissions with better education, we incline to disagree with the author's advice to choose Mozart School of Music.
Secondly, the author is so cursory to think that comprehensive styles and genres can guarantee high quality education. With the rapid increase of knowledge, it is more than difficult to cultivate a versatile expert, since mastery of one expertise has taken a lot of energy and time. Therefore, a comprehensive education doesn't mean a quality. Before the author provides evidence that genres and styles in the school are approbated by specialists, we can not acced the accuracy of the assumption.
Moreover, even we acknowledge the two assumptions mentioned above, we can not draw a conclusion that Mozart School of Music offers quality education based on its inclusion of some of the distinguished musicians. We have no idea how much do these distinguished musicians account for the whole faculties. Neither are we informed of whether these musicians take part in the daily lecture. If there are only a small number of distinguished musicians and they don't actually participate in teaching, then the schools reputation for quality education and experts is implausible. Thus, the author is supposed to provide evidence to prove those experts can improve the school's education.
Last but not the least, the author also utilize graduates employment to attract more students of interest. However, we don't know whether the employment and success of the graduates stem from the education or other factors, such as graduates own ability and their family support. For instance, a successful graduate may have acquired an opportunity simply offered by his/her own family.
In summary, the reasons offered by the author are commonplace in school advertisements, but the author fails to convince the targeted students for lack of tenable evidence. In my opinion, the argument can include more credible information to substantiate the aforementioned assumptions.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: Before the author provides evidence that genres and styles in the school are approbated by specialists, we can not acced the accuracy of the assumption.
Error: acced Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: approbated Suggestion: No alternate word
----------------
argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
argument 4 -- and more, like: maybe most of children for school don't want to be professional musicians.
----------------
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 427 350
No. of Characters: 2314 1500
No. of Different Words: 223 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.546 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.419 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.017 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 194 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 148 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 106 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 73 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.35 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.059 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.75 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.319 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.577 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.14 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 4, column 453, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...cation, we incline to disagree with the authors advice to choose Mozart School of Music...
^^^^^^^
Line 6, column 321, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...e. Therefore, a comprehensive education doesnt mean a quality. Before the author provi...
^^^^^^
Line 8, column 176, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
...ity education based on its inclusion of some of the distinguished musicians. We have no ide...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 8, column 405, Rule ID: SMALL_NUMBER_OF[1]
Message: Specify a number, remove phrase, use 'a few', or use 'some'
Suggestion: a few; some
...in the daily lecture. If there are only a small number of distinguished musicians and they dont a...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 8, column 456, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
...ber of distinguished musicians and they dont actually participate in teaching, then ...
^^^^
Line 8, column 504, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'schools'' or 'school's'?
Suggestion: schools'; school's
...ually participate in teaching, then the schools reputation for quality education and ex...
^^^^^^^
Line 8, column 661, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'schools'' or 'school's'?
Suggestion: schools'; school's
... to prove those experts can improve the schools education. Last but not the least, t...
^^^^^^^
Line 10, column 120, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
... more students of interest. However, we dont know whether the employment and success...
^^^^
Line 10, column 387, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...y simply offered by his/her own family. In summary, the reasons offered by the a...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, however, if, may, moreover, second, secondly, so, still, then, therefore, thus, while, for instance, in summary, such as, in my opinion, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 13.0 19.6327345309 66% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 7.0 12.9520958084 54% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 6.0 13.6137724551 44% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 24.0 28.8173652695 83% => OK
Preposition: 52.0 55.5748502994 94% => OK
Nominalization: 23.0 16.3942115768 140% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2382.0 2260.96107784 105% => OK
No of words: 423.0 441.139720559 96% => OK
Chars per words: 5.63120567376 5.12650576532 110% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.53508145475 4.56307096286 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.10078802106 2.78398813304 111% => OK
Unique words: 233.0 204.123752495 114% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.550827423168 0.468620217663 118% => OK
syllable_count: 763.2 705.55239521 108% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.8 1.59920159681 113% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.22255489022 189% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 46.7945242523 57.8364921388 81% => OK
Chars per sentence: 119.1 119.503703932 100% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.15 23.324526521 91% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.55 5.70786347227 150% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 9.0 5.25449101796 171% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.20758483034 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.172942115572 0.218282227539 79% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0533852441756 0.0743258471296 72% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0587531836413 0.0701772020484 84% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0945880218809 0.128457276422 74% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0719045199561 0.0628817314937 114% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.7 14.3799401198 109% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 33.24 48.3550499002 69% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.8 12.197005988 113% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 15.37 12.5979740519 122% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.72 8.32208582834 117% => OK
difficult_words: 135.0 98.500998004 137% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 12.3882235529 97% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 16.0 11.9071856287 134% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 83.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.