The following is from an editorial in a legal journal:
“It is now apparent, based on data that has been collated from several independent studies, that asbestos is the cause of lung cancer, emphysema, and other respiratory illnesses in the miners of Coal Valley. The studies show a high incidence of such ailments among the miners, far higher than that of the general population. In 1920, before the mine opened, relatively few miners were known to have had such conditions. Studies published in 1960, 1980, and 2000 show that the incidence of such ailments has risen dramatically among the miners of Coal Valley.”
Write a response in which you discuss one or more viable alternatives to the proposed explanation. Justify, with support, why your explanation could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The editorial of the legal journal claims that asbestos is the cause of various cancers and illnesses among the miners of Coal Valley. The author supported his conclusion with various studies into the ailments of miners and the general population in Coal Valley. However, the author does not show us a logical thread of reasoning that ties his supporting evidence to his conclusion. There are various viable alternatives to his proposed explanation that will be discussed below.
First and foremost, the editorial does not prove that asbestos is the cause of ailments in the miners of Coal Valley. While the editorial includes studies that show that asbestos is the cause of lung cancer, emphysema, and other respiratory illnesses in the miners of Coal Valley, without further evidence, we cannot equate correlation to causation. While it is undeniable that asbestos negatively impacts one’s health, the editorial does not provide proof linking asbestos to the mines. Unless the editorial can provide data showing that asbestos is the leading cause of such illnesses (as compared to other factors such as smoking), along with the concentration of asbestos molecules in mines versus other populations, we cannot immediatly attribute the cause to asbestos. Additionally, there could be other minerals or reasons that cause this increase in illnesses among miners. For example, as the years passed, we’ve come to know the toxic side effects of lead in paint. Miners during that era most likely lived in houses with lead paint and have yet discovered the harmful effects of the air they’re breathing in. As such, various alternative substances could in fact be the factor driving the increase in health issues among miners, not just asbestos by itself.
Furthermore, the editorial supports its conclusion by citing various studies that show higher incidences of ailments among miners versus the general population or miners in the past. There are various possible explanations to explain the studies without linking it back to asbestos. With all the medical advancements of the 21st century, doctors are now more able to correctly identify illnesses and treat them as compared to doctors in the past. Thus, studies that show that the incidences of ailments have risen dramatically among miners of Coal Valley now compared to the 1960s, 1980s and 2000s are more a testiment to our advancement in the medical field, and aren’t an accurate comparative measure over time. Similar trends have shown up in other ailments, such as the over-diagnosing of ADHD among children of the current generation compared to children of generations past. Additionally, miners showing higher incidences of health problems compared to the population is not surprising, as they work in harsh environments. Similar to how the author argued that asbestos is the cause of ailments among miners, it could also be argued that dust is, since there is more dust in mines compared to the work environments of regular citizens. Thus, more data needs to be provided from such studies to ensure their methodology can sufficiently show that, with all other things being equal, the rate of miners falling ill now is significantly higher than that of the past. These studies also need to prove that there are no other significant variables between the work conditions of miners and the general population.
Last but not least, the management of coal mines could be the cause of such illnesses instead of asbestos. As worker’s unions weaken with time, it wouldn’t be a surprise to hear that current miners are treated worse or are expected to work in harsher conditions than their predecessors. Since few miners were known to have similar ailments before a particular mine opened in 1920, it would suggest that the policies of the mine itself may play a big part in the increase in ailments. Perhaps while previous mines require miners to wear protective gear and masks to ensure their respiratory health, mines opening after the 1920s did not implement such procedures. Thus, we should also look at the health regulations implemented to see if there is a significant policy shift that could explain the rise in cases of cancer and ailments.
In conclusion, there are various viable alternatives that could better explain the increase of illnesses plaguing the mining community of Coal Valley. Before more detailed studies, evidence and data is brought to our attention, it is not possible to firmly conclude that asbestos is the cause of the problems of the miners of Coal Valley.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 8 2
No. of Sentences: 28 15
No. of Words: 743 350
No. of Characters: 3731 1500
No. of Different Words: 297 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.221 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.022 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.634 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 279 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 205 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 139 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 81 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.536 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.27 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.643 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.319 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.487 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.141 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, furthermore, however, if, look, may, so, thus, while, for example, in conclusion, in fact, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 31.0 19.6327345309 158% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 11.1786427146 152% => OK
Relative clauses : 23.0 13.6137724551 169% => OK
Pronoun: 53.0 28.8173652695 184% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 121.0 55.5748502994 218% => Less preposition wanted.
Nominalization: 17.0 16.3942115768 104% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3823.0 2260.96107784 169% => OK
No of words: 739.0 441.139720559 168% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.17320703654 5.12650576532 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.21388093824 4.56307096286 114% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.71442438529 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 310.0 204.123752495 152% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.41948579161 0.468620217663 90% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 1182.6 705.55239521 168% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 4.96107784431 181% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 10.0 2.70958083832 369% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.22255489022 189% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 28.0 19.7664670659 142% => OK
Sentence length: 26.0 22.8473053892 114% => OK
Sentence length SD: 49.0489655386 57.8364921388 85% => OK
Chars per sentence: 136.535714286 119.503703932 114% => OK
Words per sentence: 26.3928571429 23.324526521 113% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.14285714286 5.70786347227 73% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 0.0 5.25449101796 0% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 13.0 6.88822355289 189% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.291608000786 0.218282227539 134% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.087088610589 0.0743258471296 117% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0904862200142 0.0701772020484 129% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.168128390979 0.128457276422 131% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0622002163318 0.0628817314937 99% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.1 14.3799401198 112% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 45.09 48.3550499002 93% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.4 12.197005988 110% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.0 12.5979740519 103% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.37 8.32208582834 101% => OK
difficult_words: 161.0 98.500998004 163% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.4 11.1389221557 111% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.