The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. This shows that eating a substantial amount of fish can clearly prevent colds. Furthermore, since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, attendance levels will improve. Therefore, we recommend the daily use of a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
In the newsletter from the West Meria Public Health Council, they recommend to use nutritional supplement derived from fish oil as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. In order to support his conclusion, they show the result of a study report from East Meria where fish consumption is very high and people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. They recommend eating a substantial amount of fish which prevents cold and concludes colds are the reason for absences from school and work mostly. The argument as it stands now is full of unwarranted assumptions and it should be backed up by relevant evidences in order to make argument valid.
First of all, the arguer compares absenteeism with coldness. There are various factors that lead to absenteeism in schools and workplaces. Generally, student feign to prevent themselves going to school by stating being unwell. It is likely that students have not done homework and pretend of being illness to prevent themselves going to school. Similarly, an employee should give time to their families along with their office. An employee may take holiday in order to complete urgent work or participate in family function. An employee is also a father or a mother of a child. The father should be there in order to support him or encourage him. He should bear the responsibility of father in harsh conditions or elated situations. For example- in order to support his child in a dance competition, he takes holiday from his office and encourages his child from the back stage. The holiday that is taken by him is considered absenteeism from office point of view and is different from the reason of illness. Thus, the arguer makes a hasty comparison absenteeism with illness.
Secondly, the arguer states another flaws in the form of report form East Meria where fish consumption is very high and people from East Meria rarely visit doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. The arguer prejudices in the sense that people only visit to a doctor when they suffer from cold or not any other disease. It is possible that people from East Meria suppose coldness as a normal flu and hesitate to visit to a doctor. It is likely that people from East Meria are from conservative society and have predilection for homemade remedies for the treatment of coldness. It is likely that people form East Meria are from the poor backgrounds and don’t have enough money to treat coldness by visiting doctors. They visit doctor rarely if the symptoms are worse and is taking time for healing. Thus, there may be various factors for the people of East Meria in order to treat cold by visiting doctors.
Thirdly, the arguer recommends the daily use of nutrition supplements in the form of fish oil as a good way to prevent cold and absenteeism. However, the argument fails to provide any scientific relevance linking consuming fish oil with the prevention of cold. It is true that consuming fish oil actually increases our stamina or there are various health benefits in consuming fish oil. But, it is not given that the reason for the coldness is due to lacking fish in our diet. Thus, it is harsh to suppose consuming fish can lower the chances of coldness.
In conclusion, the argument as it stands now does not hold water. In order to make the argument valid, it should be supported with evidence in the form of systematic formats stating the reason of consuming fish or fish derivatives can actually cure coldness. Similarly, the argument should provide relevant information or evidence showing the relation of absenteeism with coldness.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 11 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 31 15
No. of Words: 622 350
No. of Characters: 2961 1500
No. of Different Words: 241 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.994 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.76 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.541 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 208 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 145 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 101 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 60 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.065 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.704 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.548 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.281 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.281 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.147 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 600, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...remedies for the treatment of coldness. It is likely that people form East Meria a...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, first, however, if, may, second, secondly, similarly, so, third, thirdly, thus, well, for example, in conclusion, first of all, it is true
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 28.0 19.6327345309 143% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 25.0 11.1786427146 224% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 40.0 28.8173652695 139% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 89.0 55.5748502994 160% => OK
Nominalization: 22.0 16.3942115768 134% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3022.0 2260.96107784 134% => OK
No of words: 621.0 441.139720559 141% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.86634460548 5.12650576532 95% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.991980728 4.56307096286 109% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.61146748429 2.78398813304 94% => OK
Unique words: 243.0 204.123752495 119% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.391304347826 0.468620217663 84% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 923.4 705.55239521 131% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 14.0 4.96107784431 282% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 14.0 8.76447105788 160% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 31.0 19.7664670659 157% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 42.9113259392 57.8364921388 74% => OK
Chars per sentence: 97.4838709677 119.503703932 82% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.0322580645 23.324526521 86% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.12903225806 5.70786347227 90% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 14.0 6.88822355289 203% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.120123877003 0.218282227539 55% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0346580304097 0.0743258471296 47% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0351345559583 0.0701772020484 50% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0641432898686 0.128457276422 50% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0347979979219 0.0628817314937 55% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.5 14.3799401198 80% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 59.64 48.3550499002 123% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 12.197005988 81% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.97 12.5979740519 87% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.45 8.32208582834 90% => OK
difficult_words: 111.0 98.500998004 113% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.0 12.3882235529 105% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.