The following memo was published by the Welzaton City Commission.
“A recent nationwide study of the effectiveness of wearing a safety helmet while bicycling indicates that ten years ago approximately 35 percent of all bicyclists reported wearing helmets, whereas today that number is nearly 80 percent. Another study, however, cites a 200 percent increase in the number of serious accidents involving bicycles during the same period. Meanwhile, results of a local survey of frequent bicycle riders indicate that 75 percent of those riders feel “much safer” on busy roads when they wear helmets than when they don’t. Clearly, the best explanation for the rise in bicycle-related accidents is that bicyclists take more risks now than they did ten years ago because they feel safer when they are wearing helmets.”
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The author of the memo has alleged that wearing a helmet for riding a bicycle lead to increasing the number of serious accident in the city. Although the reasons that the writer provided looks cogent at the first glance, when we delve deeper into his or her reasoning we could find that the memo rests on several assumptions and holes. If all of which could be challenged, the argument falls apart. I could not accept the proposed reasoning as it is for three reason which I explain now.
First of all, the author assumes that the situation of the city did not changed during the past 10 years. He or she compare the information of two different periods with each other without presenting any reason for it. He assumed that the population of bicycle riders of the area is constant during ten years whereas it is possible that due to encoraging of different organizations for exercise the numbe of them would change. If this is the case, then, comparing the number of serious accident would be absurd. Instead of that, in order to improve the argument, the author could compare the fraction of serious accident to the whole number of rider to give more sense to readers.
Moreover, even if the number of riders would be constant during the 10 years, again we could not accept the argument because the author mentioned three different survey that were conducted by different organizations and different scope. The plusibility of these survey in under question. Did the survey conduct on scientific methods? What was the scope of each one? To make the argument more persuasive for readers, the authir should answer above questions and provide some additional information about surveys.
Finally, even if all of the surveys hold in true conditions and scientific method, again the reader could not accept the conclusion of the argument. He presumes the only possile reason for this evidence is that bicycle rider feel safer when they wear helmet, so, they make more risk that it lead to more serious accident. Though this reason my hold true, the author did not consider about other possibilities. For instance, it may during ten years the number of vehicles would have increased, therefore, streets are less safe for bicycle riders. If this is the case, the writer could compare the number of vehicles and situations of street in two periods to eliminate other possibilities.
To sum up, although the conclusion of the argument may hold true, the author fails to provide adequate reasons and evidences to presuade the readers. In order to make the memo more cogent, the author could provide some additional information to remove other possibilities or unclear situation such as more information about the surveys, number of vehicles in two mentioned periods.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Out of topic
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 10 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 464 350
No. of Characters: 2244 1500
No. of Different Words: 201 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.641 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.836 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.505 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 166 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 116 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 73 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 43 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.095 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.35 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.571 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.314 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.502 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.108 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 73, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'did' requires the base form of the verb: 'change'
Suggestion: change
... that the situation of the city did not changed during the past 10 years. He or she com...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 117, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'she' must be used with a third-person verb: 'compares'.
Suggestion: compares
...ged during the past 10 years. He or she compare the information of two different period...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 163, Rule ID: CD_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun 'survey' seems to be countable, so consider using: 'surveys'.
Suggestion: surveys
...se the author mentioned three different survey that were conducted by different organi...
^^^^^^
Line 7, column 18, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
...tion about surveys. Finally, even if all of the surveys hold in true conditions and sci...
^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
finally, first, if, look, may, moreover, so, then, therefore, whereas, for instance, such as, first of all, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 12.0 19.6327345309 61% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 35.0 28.8173652695 121% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 63.0 55.5748502994 113% => OK
Nominalization: 17.0 16.3942115768 104% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2304.0 2260.96107784 102% => OK
No of words: 464.0 441.139720559 105% => OK
Chars per words: 4.96551724138 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.64119157421 4.56307096286 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.56879194044 2.78398813304 92% => OK
Unique words: 212.0 204.123752495 104% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.456896551724 0.468620217663 97% => OK
syllable_count: 713.7 705.55239521 101% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 9.0 2.70958083832 332% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 57.9724698131 57.8364921388 100% => OK
Chars per sentence: 109.714285714 119.503703932 92% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.0952380952 23.324526521 95% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.57142857143 5.70786347227 98% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 4.0 8.20758483034 49% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 10.0 6.88822355289 145% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0786540914552 0.218282227539 36% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0267943110909 0.0743258471296 36% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0406675112549 0.0701772020484 58% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0471745556013 0.128457276422 37% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0326214747959 0.0628817314937 52% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.0 14.3799401198 90% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 57.61 48.3550499002 119% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.55 12.5979740519 92% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.65 8.32208582834 92% => OK
difficult_words: 86.0 98.500998004 87% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 12.3882235529 73% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.
Rates: 16.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.