The following is from a recent email by the diord corp. Human resources manager. "TObor technologies found that mental health problems and mental illness were responsible for about 15 percent of employee sick as they do for physical illness. In addition the company hired an on-site psychologist and created a system that allows workers to schedule confidential counselling appointments. After one year, the number of sick days used by employees declined by 10 percent. Diord corp has had an increase in employee sick days over the past two years, so we should introduce a similar insurance plan and counselling program. These measures will surely reduce employee absenteeism and cause and increase in productivity.
Tobor Technologies found that about 15 percent of employee sick days was because of mental illness.They introduced employee insurance plan for mental illness and hired a onsite psychologist. Author claims that because of this after an year number of sick days reduced to 10 percent. Hence Diord corp also has to do the same thing, to reduce employee absenteeism which will increase productivity also. Author's conclusion does not have enough points to support his claim.
First flaw which the author has made is, he has said that, Tobor technologies have introduced employee insurance plan for mental illness and hired a onsite psychologist but he has never mentioned about how many people made use of it. Author assumes that since these plans were introduced, employee might have utilized the insurance and they might have consultated the psychologist personally. This is completely deceiving. Author should have provided the statistics like number of persons made use of it and does it in any way increase their health.
second major flaw author made is, he has stated that sick leave reduced by 10 percent, after introducing insurance plan for mental illness and after hiring a onsite psychologist but he has never said anything about the increase in productivity. He has assumed that since number of sick leaves taken, were reduced productivity has increased. That may not be true. One more mistake author has made, he has mentioned the statistics of employee taking leave in percentage which is deceiving. Since we do not know, whether number of employee reminded the same after an year.
Third flaw which weakens the author's conclusion is,he has claimed that number of sick leaves has reduced from 15 percent to 10 percent but he has not mentioned whether the total leaves taken by the employee has reduced. i.e whether absenteeism is reduced or not which is very important. without knowing that author has said that by introducing the schemes Tobor technologies has introduced, Diord corp can surely reduce the employee absenteeism and cause an increase in productivity. This is completely erratic.
Summing it up, Author should have produced statistics about how many employee got benefited by new insurance and pschologist. He should have also specified the number of employee taking sick leave in numbers and not in percentage and should have given a proof about increase in productivity without assuming it. If he had provided these information, his conclusion would have been valid.
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flaws:
need one more argument:
the argument assumes the working conditions to be the same in the two companies
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 406 350
No. of Characters: 2054 1500
No. of Different Words: 162 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.489 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.059 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.672 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 149 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 108 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 74 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 49 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.556 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 17.385 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.389 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.369 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.544 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.172 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5