The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of
developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the
nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note,
would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over
100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; seve ral well-known
jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz
Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the
typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the
argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author of the argument concludes that a jazz music
club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable
enterprise. However, that conclusion is based on a
number of inadequately supported assumptions. Without
further information about this jazz club being the only one
in the area and jazz music being popular, we do not have
sufficient evidence to determine whether the author’s
conclusion is valid.
To begin the argument, the small business that is applying
for a loan, claims that a new jazz club would have the local
market all to itself because the nearest club is 60 miles
from there. In other words, they think chances to get the
customers are considerably big. It is possible that other
powerful investors may build or open another jazz club not
far from there-perhaps earlier than that. Further, there is a
possibility that the club in distance is in its best time and
might not lose any audience. If either of these scenarios
are worth then the conclusion of profit in the main
argument is weakened.
Secondly, the author claims that jazz is extremely popular
in Monroe. The opponents in this argument assume that
over 100,000 people that attended Monroe's annual jazz
festival last summer are a good reason for success.
However, this might not be the case. Perhaps these
people came for the festival from many distant cities and
that’s why they might not be a potent indicator that jazz in
Monroe is popular. In an ideal world, many people may
love jazz, but the reality is such that they cannot do so due
to other preferences or distances, then is no garanty jazz
is loved by Monroe people. If the above is true, the
argument is not valid.
In conclusion, the argument as it stands now is
considerably flawed because is relying on several
unwarranted assumptions. If the author is able to
argument the two claims above and offer more evidence
then it would be possible to fully evaluate the viability of
the recommendation of opening a jazz club in Monroe.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 30 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 342 350
No. of Characters: 1600 1500
No. of Different Words: 173 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.3 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.678 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.57 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 108 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 77 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 53 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 30 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.375 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.367 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.688 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.333 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.521 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.068 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 17, column 30, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
... time and might not lose any audience. If either of these scenarios are worth th...
^^
Line 37, column 1, Rule ID: LESS_MORE_THEN[1]
Message: Did you mean 'than'?
Suggestion: than
...o claims above and offer more evidence then it would be possible to fully evaluate ...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, however, if, may, second, secondly, so, then, in conclusion, in other words
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 27.0 19.6327345309 138% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 12.9520958084 69% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 11.1786427146 63% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 27.0 28.8173652695 94% => OK
Preposition: 36.0 55.5748502994 65% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 16.3942115768 79% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1710.0 2260.96107784 76% => OK
No of words: 340.0 441.139720559 77% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.02941176471 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.29407602571 4.56307096286 94% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.68435168051 2.78398813304 96% => OK
Unique words: 177.0 204.123752495 87% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.520588235294 0.468620217663 111% => OK
syllable_count: 514.8 705.55239521 73% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 10.0 4.22255489022 237% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 51.5060676037 57.8364921388 89% => OK
Chars per sentence: 106.875 119.503703932 89% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.25 23.324526521 91% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.0 5.70786347227 88% => OK
Paragraphs: 37.0 5.15768463074 717% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.321292675703 0.218282227539 147% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0988328404618 0.0743258471296 133% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.100207349931 0.0701772020484 143% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0685593606569 0.128457276422 53% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0854163243311 0.0628817314937 136% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.9 14.3799401198 90% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 58.62 48.3550499002 121% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.89 12.5979740519 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.88 8.32208582834 95% => OK
difficult_words: 69.0 98.500998004 70% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Maximum six paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.