The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"Jazz music is extremely popular in the city of Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Also, a number of well-known jazz musicians own homes in Monroe. Nevertheless, the nearest jazz club is over an hour away. Given the popularity of jazz in Monroe and a recent nationwide study indicating that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, we predict that our new jazz music club in Monroe will be a tremendously profitable enterprise."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the prediction and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the prediction.
The prediction that a new jazz music club in Monroe will be profitable is unreasonable given the arguments that support this prediction. There are many assumptions made within the argument that require further investigation in regards to attendance to the club that will enable its profitability.
The author makes many claims about the attendance rates of the new club. First, the club is assumed to be profitable because of the attendance at an annual festival, where over 100,000 people attended the annual jazz festival in Monroe the summer prior. However, this claim does not identify whether those people lived in Monroe or not. If the majority of the people in attendance lived out of town and travel to Monroe only once per year for the annual festival, these are not necessarily the same people who are going to be able to frequent a local jazz club, meaning that the attendance in the club would not be anywhere near the festival’s output. Similarly, the author makes the statement that there are “a number” of well-known jazz musicians who own homes in Monroe. The language used here does not indicate how many musicians actually own homes, and the fact that they own the homes does not mean that they live in Monroe. The importance of their home ownership is also not identified as a support for the jazz club. If they did live in Monroe, is their presence meant to draw jazz enthusiasts outside of Monroe to the club on a regular basis just as celebrities would draw crowds? Again, both of these claims do not support that a jazz club would be profitable in that they do not fully support an indication of attendance.
Secondly, the author suggests that the profit of the club would be directly proportionate to the amount of money a typical jazz fan spends per year on jazz entertainment. However, this claim cannot be supported as an argument for profit of a jazz club because several questions are unanswered. If the typical, therefore the average, jazz fan spends $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, one half of this sample of the nationwide study spends even less than that. Less than $1000 over the course of the year would not be a profitable enterprise for any business, assuming that every customer solicited daily. Again, this is a nationwide study, not a study of those jazz enthusiasts in Monroe and the amount of disposable income they have to spend on a local jazz establishment.
In conclusion, the prediction that a local jazz music club in Monroe would be profitable is not a strong one. The arguments made in support of this prediction are weak in that they are not representative of the jazz enthusiast population in Monroe itself, but of a more outreaching jazz interest over a larger geographic area. The answers to all of the above questions are necessary in order to determine the profitability of the jazz club because they validate the ability to increase attendance and draw the revenue that the club will need in order to be profitable.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 225, Rule ID: IN_REGARD_TO[1]
Message: Use simply 'regarding' or 'with regard to'.
Suggestion: regarding; with regard to
...ment that require further investigation in regards to attendance to the club that will enable...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 349, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
..., therefore the average, jazz fan spends ,000 per year on jazz entertainment, one ...
^^
Line 7, column 343, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
... larger geographic area. The answers to all of the above questions are necessary in order ...
^^^^^^^^^^
Discourse Markers used:
['actually', 'also', 'but', 'first', 'however', 'if', 'second', 'secondly', 'similarly', 'so', 'therefore', 'thus', 'well', 'in conclusion']
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance in Part of Speech:
Nouns: 0.266903914591 0.25644967241 104% => OK
Verbs: 0.129893238434 0.15541462614 84% => OK
Adjectives: 0.076512455516 0.0836205057962 91% => OK
Adverbs: 0.0569395017794 0.0520304965353 109% => OK
Pronouns: 0.0195729537367 0.0272364105082 72% => OK
Prepositions: 0.14768683274 0.125424944231 118% => OK
Participles: 0.017793594306 0.0416121511921 43% => Some participles wanted.
Conjunctions: 2.78334314748 2.79052419416 100% => OK
Infinitives: 0.0249110320285 0.026700313972 93% => OK
Particles: 0.0 0.001811407834 0% => OK
Determiners: 0.14590747331 0.113004496875 129% => OK
Modal_auxiliary: 0.017793594306 0.0255425247493 70% => OK
WH_determiners: 0.0124555160142 0.0127820249294 97% => OK
Vocabulary words and sentences:
No of characters: 3000.0 2731.13054187 110% => OK
No of words: 513.0 446.07635468 115% => OK
Chars per words: 5.84795321637 6.12365571057 95% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.75914943092 4.57801047555 104% => OK
words length more than 5 chars: 0.313840155945 0.378187486979 83% => OK
words length more than 6 chars: 0.228070175439 0.287650121315 79% => OK
words length more than 7 chars: 0.171539961014 0.208842608468 82% => OK
words length more than 8 chars: 0.126705653021 0.135150697306 94% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.78334314748 2.79052419416 100% => OK
Unique words: 214.0 207.018472906 103% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.417153996101 0.469332199767 89% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
Word variations: 47.5916605227 52.1807786196 91% => OK
How many sentences: 19.0 20.039408867 95% => OK
Sentence length: 27.0 23.2022227129 116% => OK
Sentence length SD: 56.3366906614 57.7814097925 97% => OK
Chars per sentence: 157.894736842 141.986410481 111% => OK
Words per sentence: 27.0 23.2022227129 116% => OK
Discourse Markers: 0.736842105263 0.724660767414 102% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.14285714286 78% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 3.58251231527 84% => OK
Readability: 49.8070175439 51.9672348444 96% => OK
Elegance: 2.09482758621 1.8405768891 114% => OK
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.473414725343 0.441005458295 107% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence: 0.157431793383 0.135418324435 116% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence SD: 0.0631176722497 0.0829849096947 76% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence: 0.59556168994 0.58762219726 101% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence SD: 0.155022628722 0.147661913831 105% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.235545229826 0.193483328276 122% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0907302360114 0.0970749176394 93% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence: 0.536434275751 0.42659136922 126% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence SD: 0.0457208575351 0.0774707102158 59% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.350506509654 0.312017818177 112% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.103654114302 0.0698173142475 148% => OK
Task Achievement:
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.33743842365 132% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.87684729064 58% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.82512315271 83% => OK
Positive topic words: 10.0 6.46551724138 155% => OK
Negative topic words: 4.0 5.36822660099 75% => OK
Neutral topic words: 4.0 2.82389162562 142% => OK
Total topic words: 18.0 14.657635468 123% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6 -- The score is based on the average performance of 20,000 argument essays. This e-grader is not smart enough to check on arguments.
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Note: This is not the final score. The e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.