The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"Jazz music is extremely popular in the city of Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Also, a number of well-known jazz musicians own homes in Monroe. Nevertheless, the nearest jazz club is over an hour away. Given the popularity of jazz in Monroe and a recent nationwide study indicating that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, a jazz music club in Monroe would be tremendously profitable."
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
As per the prompt, the author of the application of a business loan argue for some amount of money to open a jazz music club in Monroe as he believes that it would be very profitable, owing to the extreme popularity and interest of the citizens in the area. However, the author reasoning seems to be based upon a few unstated assumptions, which if hailed true, would not not favor the author's argument.
First of all, the author assumes that the population count that attended the jazz festival last summer is representative of the people who are interested in jazz purely. Perhaps, the festival conducted performances from various artists, out of which only 1 or 2 were jazz artists. Probably, there was a very popular rock band that was scheduled to inaugurate and conclude the festival events which was the major cause of attraction of music lovers in the area. If the above points were to be considered, the author fails to make a cogent argument as he fails to analyze the situation closely.
Further, there is no guarantee that the turn out for this year's jazz festivities would be as significant as of last year's count. It is possible that another festival which includes a mix of various artists performing is being conducted this year on. If this is true, the number of people attending the jazz festival can drop as one would be likely to invest the same amount of money and be able to witness a diverse set of artistic performances than to visit the same genre of jazz again and again.
The author goes on to assume the fact that the number of well-known jazz musicians who live in Monroe is a factor that would contribute to the profitability of jazz club, if opened. This assumption is purely conjectural as he fails to consider those musicians' interests. Probably these famous jazz artists have their own designated cafes which they visit regularly and perform there. Why would they want to visit a newly opened jazz cafe in town? What is so special and different about it? Also, what if these musicians are always on the go - travelling and performing , and are hardly at home. If the above reasoning is considered, the author's argument fails to hold water.
Last but not the least, the author is so blind as to assume the fact that a typical jazz fan who spends close to 1000 dollars on jazz entertainment would shift these expenses towards a jazz cafe when opened in the neighborhood. The fan is probably more interested in collecting jazz CDs and posters rather than spending such an enormous amount for one night of jazz musical.
Hence , the author needs to carefully address all the data and evidence so as to make a strong appeal in favor of his request, since the current one if rife with fallacies.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 479 350
No. of Characters: 2201 1500
No. of Different Words: 230 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.678 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.595 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.528 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 141 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 99 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 72 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 44 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.211 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.391 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.526 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.319 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.564 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.087 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 346, Rule ID: IF_IS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'is'?
Suggestion: is
... upon a few unstated assumptions, which if hailed true, would not not favor the au...
^^
Line 1, column 368, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: not
...ssumptions, which if hailed true, would not not favor the authors argument. First of...
^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 386, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...if hailed true, would not not favor the authors argument. First of all, the author a...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 569, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...ys on the go - travelling and performing , and are hardly at home. If the above re...
^^
Line 7, column 638, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
... the above reasoning is considered, the authors argument fails to hold water. Last b...
^^^^^^^
Line 11, column 6, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
... for one night of jazz musical. Hence , the author needs to carefully address a...
^^
Line 11, column 73, Rule ID: SO_AS_TO[1]
Message: Use simply 'to'
Suggestion: to
...fully address all the data and evidence so as to make a strong appeal in favor of his re...
^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, hence, however, if, so, well, as to, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 26.0 19.6327345309 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.9520958084 62% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 18.0 13.6137724551 132% => OK
Pronoun: 27.0 28.8173652695 94% => OK
Preposition: 60.0 55.5748502994 108% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 16.3942115768 61% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2258.0 2260.96107784 100% => OK
No of words: 479.0 441.139720559 109% => OK
Chars per words: 4.7139874739 5.12650576532 92% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.67825486995 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.5923549916 2.78398813304 93% => OK
Unique words: 237.0 204.123752495 116% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.494780793319 0.468620217663 106% => OK
syllable_count: 711.0 705.55239521 101% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 19.7664670659 96% => OK
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 57.8923444482 57.8364921388 100% => OK
Chars per sentence: 118.842105263 119.503703932 99% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.2105263158 23.324526521 108% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.52631578947 5.70786347227 62% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 5.25449101796 133% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 14.0 8.20758483034 171% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.226616431087 0.218282227539 104% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0669449403711 0.0743258471296 90% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0685110233509 0.0701772020484 98% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.112266459327 0.128457276422 87% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0571644606749 0.0628817314937 91% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.4 14.3799401198 93% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 54.56 48.3550499002 113% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.197005988 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.33 12.5979740519 82% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.07 8.32208582834 97% => OK
difficult_words: 97.0 98.500998004 98% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 19.0 12.3882235529 153% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.