The author insist on stablishing their new stores in places like Plainsville, in which, people are really careful about their health both in having lots of exercises and paying attention to their diet, owing to the fact that their previous experiences have proved mentioned stores in such places, leads to increasing in the sale of running shoes, exercise’s equipment and observing much more tendency toward attending classes in health clubs or aerobic ones. He also believes that foundation of new stores in mentioned places would cause new generation of costumers, in early ages. What has been mentioned could be completely true in first glance, but paying attention much deeper can prove some lacuna.
About the first assumption, the author said that such places report that sales of running shoes and exercise equipment are at all-time highs, he has ignored lots of situation include time condition. There is a possibility that this increase was in summer, and because parents or even children have not been so busy, they have attended mentioned classes. Or about the fact that, the local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight-training and aerobics classes are always full, it might be because some of these classes have suffered from mismanagement, or bad quality of classes and plans, or maybe they were so expensive, but now, thanks to the change of the management system they are filled with people. Therefore there is a possibility that mentioned stores had nothing to do with mentioned places.As the consequence the more light should be shed on situation, about this assumption.
What is more, paying attention to the position of these stores can cast lots of doubts on. Maybe mentioned stores were near schools, that they need sport equipment, or even their sales have increased in some especial times, like the beginning of semester, or in race times in schools, which leads the students and schools to buying shoes or equipment. So there is a possibility that increase of sales in not related to what the author believes. Moreover sometimes establishing such stores in places that would be thought that people will not care about their health, it would encourage them to care about it, and as the result it might cause increase in their sales.
Moreover, the bleak picture of the last assumption, that the writher argue, they can even anticipate a new generation of customers of schoolchildren that are required to participate in a program called Fitness for Life, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age, should be more painted on. There is no doubt that it is useful for children to participate in fitness classes in early ages, but it would not guarantee, the increase of the stores healthy food sales, because it is not hidden to any one, that children are really into fast foods and junk foods, even if they are made to pay attention to their body health. So increasing in attending fitness classes in mentioned place, would not ensure their store’s lucrativeness in food sales.
To wrap up, the author couldn’t provide strong evidence for the argument stated above. He could provide a market survey of the number of existing stores in the same town that already provide health food and products; however, he didn’t.
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- Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products, is opening its next franchise in the town of Plainsville. The store should prove to be very successful: Nature's Way franchises tend to be most profitable in areas wher 70
Sentence: The author insist on stablishing their new stores in places like Plainsville, in which, people are really careful about their health both in having lots of exercises and paying attention to their diet, owing to the fact that their previous experiences have proved mentioned stores in such places, leads to increasing in the sale of running shoes, exercise's equipment and observing much more tendency toward attending classes in health clubs or aerobic ones.
Error: stablishing Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: Moreover, the bleak picture of the last assumption, that the writher argue, they can even anticipate a new generation of customers of schoolchildren that are required to participate in a program called Fitness for Life, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age, should be more painted on.
Error: writher Suggestion: No alternate word
argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
flaws:
Avg. Sentence Length: 35.062 21.0 //don't always use comma.
No. of Words: 561 350 //Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 561 350
No. of Characters: 2715 1500
No. of Different Words: 254 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.867 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.84 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.501 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 193 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 129 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 89 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 59 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 35.062 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 19.279 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.875 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.342 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.583 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.117 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5