"Over the past two years, the number of shoppers in Central Plaza has been steadily decreasing while the popularity of skateboarding has increased dramatically. Many Central Plaza store owners believe that the decrease in their business is due to the number of skateboard users in the plaza. There has also been a dramatic increase in the amount of litter and vandalism throughout the plaza. Thus, we recommend that the city prohibit skateboarding in Central Plaza. If skateboarding is prohibited here, we predict that business in Central Plaza will return to its previously high levels."
Let me start with my first reason, survey was circumscribed only to store owners. Store keeper acted precipitately in judging skate board user as a cause for their low sales. Survey would have been more effective and close to the root cause if shoppers were part of the survey. Shoppers opinion could have been exegesis for decrease in the shoppers in Central Plaza and determining how their shopping experience could be improved. Store owner would be unaware of their store shortcomings and nadir sales. Shoppers feedback would have helped them to over come that. Over the time shopper taste and demand changes and it is important for store owners to have alacrity to be updated. Less customers in the plaza is clear indication of presence of competitive mall or plaza in near vicinity. Then it is necessary to study the competitive mall and their strategy before making an arbitrary decision.
Giving you an example, in our locality first mall "Raghuleela" was opened in 2004. On the opening day entire city visited the mall and sales were on boom. For couple of years sales were on apogee. In 2007 second mall "Phantom" was built with multiplex theater. Initially shoppers vacillate between two malls but improved shopping experience and entertainment in form of multiplex gave Phantom upper hand over Raghuleela . Over the period of 3 years people needed change, same old mall, no changes in the shops. Customers were taken by granted by arrogant and adamant shop staff. Had the mall taken regular feedback it would have competitive in the market. Hence, I think shopper opinion always count.
Secondly, relationship between increase in the litter and skateboard users is inscrutable. Increase in the litter could have been from feckless and ravenous shoppers who would have been dining in the Central Plaza. Vandalism can be related to local crime rates. Appropriate security measures could have helped in attenuating crime and vandalism. User argument has no concrete evidence relating litter and vandalism to Skateboard users. Shopper should concentrate on improving the security measures rather then blaming skateboard users.
Shopper's along with City officials can work together their shortcoming of Central plaza like ambiance, security and shoppers experience to improve on their short comings and sales.
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Shoppers opinion could have been exegesis for decrease in the shoppers
Shoppers' opinion could have been in exegesis for decreasing in the shoppers
flaws:
Don't write argument essays like the way you write issue essays.
correct patterns:
para 1: introduction
para 2: argument 1
para 3: argument 2
para 4: argument 3
para 5: conclusion
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 25 15
No. of Words: 371 350
No. of Characters: 1906 1500
No. of Different Words: 212 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.389 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.137 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.552 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 135 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 105 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 77 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 39 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 14.84 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.057 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.36 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.269 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.434 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.098 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5