quot The Mozart School of Music should be the first choice for parents considering enrolling their child in music lessons First of all the Mozart School welcomes youngsters at all ability and age levels there is no audition to attend the school Secon

The auther claims that " the Mozart School should be the first choice for parents considering enrolling their child in music lessons. To support his conclusion, the auther has presented various evidences. Although these evidences appear to bolster the argument, a meticulous analysis will show otherwise. To make the argument more sound, the auther needs to cite the following specific evidences.

1) If the Mozart School includes some distingushed musicians in the area, there could be other school which includes several distinguished musicians in the area.
2) Since the Mozart School offers instruction in nearly all musical instrument as well as of styles and genres from classical to rock, there may not be the child who has keen interest in all, there may me other music schools in the area which ar.
3) Generally, all the Music school welcomes youngsters at all ability and age levels; there may be other good school in that area which are good at instructing music than Mozart School.

First of all, the writer claims , the Mozart School includes some distinguished musicians in the area, it is possible that most of the distinguished musicians are engaged in another school which is situated in the same area. In such case, the auther's conclusion might be false. One the other hand, even if some musician are in Mozart School, it cannot ensure the best instruction to the students, it depends upon how much time they can give in order to instruct the students and which method they use, how friendly they are.

Secondly, if a child is interested in a particular area of music and don't have interest in other, then whether a child enroll in Mozart School or in other music School, it doesn't matter. It's availability of wide range of musical styles and geners only cannot ensure the instructon quality and cannot be go on the conclusion writer made. There might be other Music School in that area which are relatively good at in certain area of music than this Mozart School.

Thirdly, in general, all school welcomes youngsters, so there may be several other Music School which are well furnished and have more distinguished musicians who are really good at instructing the students.

In sum, the auther needs to provide more especific evidences such as the availability of other distinguished musicians in other music School and the availability of well furnished musical instrument, without these especific evidences, I cannot convince with the auther's claim.

Votes
Average: 6.6 (2 votes)
Essay Categories
Essays by the user:

Grammar and spelling errors:
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...s. To support his conclusion, the auther has presented various evidences. Althoug...
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...ill show otherwise. To make the argument more sound, the auther needs to cite the...
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...cite the following specific evidences. 1 If the Mozart School includes some dis...
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...r music schools in the area which ar. 3 Generally, all the Music school welcomes...
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...oungsters at all ability and age levels; there may be other good school in that a...
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...rt School. First of all, the writer claims , the Mozart School includes som...
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...l. First of all, the writer claims , the Mozart School includes some distin...
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... of all, the writer claims , the Mozart School includes some distinguished music...
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...sicians in the area, it is possible that most of the distinguished musicians are ...
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...how friendly they are. Secondly, if a child is interested in a particular...
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...ested in a particular area of music and dont have interest in other, then whether a ...
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Suggestion: doesn't
...art School or in other music School, it doesnt matter. Its availability of wide range...
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...l, it doesnt matter. Its availability of wide range of musical styles and geners ...
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... than this Mozart School. Thirdly, in general, all school welcomes youngste...
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Line 15, column 54, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
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...general, all school welcomes youngsters, so there may be several other Music Scho...
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Line 15, column 137, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
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...l which are well furnished and have more distinguished musicians who are really g...
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Line 17, column 109, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
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... the availability of other distinguished musicians in other music School and the ...
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Transition Words or Phrases used:
first, if, may, really, second, secondly, so, then, third, thirdly, well, in general, such as, as well as, first of all

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 19.6327345309 92% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 19.0 28.8173652695 66% => OK
Preposition: 50.0 55.5748502994 90% => OK
Nominalization: 6.0 16.3942115768 37% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2094.0 2260.96107784 93% => OK
No of words: 410.0 441.139720559 93% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.10731707317 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.49982852243 4.56307096286 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.66407914316 2.78398813304 96% => OK
Unique words: 185.0 204.123752495 91% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.451219512195 0.468620217663 96% => OK
syllable_count: 638.1 705.55239521 90% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 19.7664670659 76% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 27.0 22.8473053892 118% => OK
Sentence length SD: 66.4135193734 57.8364921388 115% => OK
Chars per sentence: 139.6 119.503703932 117% => OK
Words per sentence: 27.3333333333 23.324526521 117% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.93333333333 5.70786347227 139% => OK
Paragraphs: 8.0 5.15768463074 155% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 17.0 5.25449101796 324% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.432942587584 0.218282227539 198% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.172518536694 0.0743258471296 232% => Sentence topic similarity is high.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.155753330079 0.0701772020484 222% => The coherence between sentences is low.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.238423766317 0.128457276422 186% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.103284477656 0.0628817314937 164% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.3 14.3799401198 113% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 44.07 48.3550499002 91% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.8 12.197005988 113% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.65 12.5979740519 100% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.9 8.32208582834 95% => OK
difficult_words: 76.0 98.500998004 77% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 12.3882235529 69% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.8 11.1389221557 115% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?

---------------------
Maximum six paragraphs wanted.

Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 177, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...s. To support his conclusion, the auther has presented various evidences. Althoug...
^^
Line 1, column 332, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ill show otherwise. To make the argument more sound, the auther needs to cite the...
^^
Line 2, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...cite the following specific evidences. 1 If the Mozart School includes some dis...
^^^^
Line 5, column 2, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...r music schools in the area which ar. 3 Generally, all the Music school welcomes...
^^
Line 5, column 86, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...oungsters at all ability and age levels; there may be other good school in that a...
^^
Line 8, column 25, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...rt School. First of all, the writer claims , the Mozart School includes som...
^^
Line 8, column 33, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...l. First of all, the writer claims , the Mozart School includes some distin...
^^
Line 8, column 46, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... of all, the writer claims , the Mozart School includes some distinguished music...
^^
Line 8, column 125, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...sicians in the area, it is possible that most of the distinguished musicians are ...
^^
Line 12, column 10, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...how friendly they are. Secondly, if a child is interested in a particular...
^^
Line 12, column 71, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
...ested in a particular area of music and dont have interest in other, then whether a ...
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Line 12, column 174, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...art School or in other music School, it doesnt matter. Its availability of wide range...
^^^^^^
Line 12, column 208, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...l, it doesnt matter. Its availability of wide range of musical styles and geners ...
^^
Line 15, column 9, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... than this Mozart School. Thirdly, in general, all school welcomes youngste...
^^
Line 15, column 54, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...general, all school welcomes youngsters, so there may be several other Music Scho...
^^
Line 15, column 137, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...l which are well furnished and have more distinguished musicians who are really g...
^^
Line 17, column 109, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... the availability of other distinguished musicians in other music School and the ...
^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
first, if, may, really, second, secondly, so, then, third, thirdly, well, in general, such as, as well as, first of all

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 19.6327345309 92% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 19.0 28.8173652695 66% => OK
Preposition: 50.0 55.5748502994 90% => OK
Nominalization: 6.0 16.3942115768 37% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2094.0 2260.96107784 93% => OK
No of words: 410.0 441.139720559 93% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.10731707317 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.49982852243 4.56307096286 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.66407914316 2.78398813304 96% => OK
Unique words: 185.0 204.123752495 91% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.451219512195 0.468620217663 96% => OK
syllable_count: 638.1 705.55239521 90% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 19.7664670659 76% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 27.0 22.8473053892 118% => OK
Sentence length SD: 66.4135193734 57.8364921388 115% => OK
Chars per sentence: 139.6 119.503703932 117% => OK
Words per sentence: 27.3333333333 23.324526521 117% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.93333333333 5.70786347227 139% => OK
Paragraphs: 8.0 5.15768463074 155% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 17.0 5.25449101796 324% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.432942587584 0.218282227539 198% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.172518536694 0.0743258471296 232% => Sentence topic similarity is high.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.155753330079 0.0701772020484 222% => The coherence between sentences is low.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.238423766317 0.128457276422 186% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.103284477656 0.0628817314937 164% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.3 14.3799401198 113% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 44.07 48.3550499002 91% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.8 12.197005988 113% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.65 12.5979740519 100% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.9 8.32208582834 95% => OK
difficult_words: 76.0 98.500998004 77% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 12.3882235529 69% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.8 11.1389221557 115% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?

---------------------
Maximum six paragraphs wanted.

Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.