"A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average
number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the
executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whose
executives reported needing no more than 6 hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and
faster growth. These results suggest that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people
who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night."
In the argument the author made the conclusion that companies should hire only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night to get higher profit margins. However, the author based on some unsustantiable assumptions, such as 300 male and female can represent the whole group of executives, sleeping less than 6 hours causes the high profit margins and faster growth and only people who sleep time is short can help a company success. If all of these assumption cannot be proved, I would not think this argument is reasonable.
First, in the article the author falsely rely on the study data that 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives sleep per night lead the success of their firms. However, perhaps the 300 people cannot represent the whole group of advertising executives and most excellent executives need more than 6 hours sleep. Or perhaps the average number of hours they sleepy cannot reflect the state of their sleep condition, because there may be few people sleep only 2 hours per night which may low the level of average sleep time.
In addition, to support the conclusion the author made the assumption that the profits and fast growth of advertising firms is caused by executives with less than 6 hours sleep time. The author makes a reverse logical relationship. It is totally possible that a company which are in fast growth stage, having onerous work, needs employees to work until midnight to finish their task and thus make higher profits. Perhaps it is profitable companies that are able to provide good salary and pay huge money for overwork, therefore, to earn more money, the employees choose to pay more time on work and cut sleep time.
To further make the conclusion, the author based on an assumption that only company with employees whose sleep time are less than 6 hours can make success. The author ignored that there are many ways to lead a company to become successful. It is totally possible that a firm with good policy and considerable management can achive its goals. It is also possible that companies hiring people with higher educational degrees can make their bussiness grow fast.
In conclusion, to make the argument more reasonable, the author needs to prove the assumption that a study only cover 300 people can represent the whole group of employee. Besides, the author should makes clear that it is people with less sleep time lead the firms to success and provide more evidence to support the assumption that only people with less sleep time can help a company become better.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: However, the author based on some unsustantiable assumptions, such as 300 male and female can represent the whole group of executives, sleeping less than 6 hours causes the high profit margins and faster growth and only people who sleep time is short can help a company success.
Error: unsustantiable Suggestion: unjustifiable
Sentence: It is totally possible that a firm with good policy and considerable management can achive its goals.
Error: achive Suggestion: active
Sentence: It is also possible that companies hiring people with higher educational degrees can make their bussiness grow fast.
Error: bussiness Suggestion: business
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flaws:
more arguments wanted. like:
it works for business advertising, while it may not work for other businesses.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 433 350
No. of Characters: 2071 1500
No. of Different Words: 174 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.562 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.783 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.363 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 138 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 90 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 52 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 40 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 27.062 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.238 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.688 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.396 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.602 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.112 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 452, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this assumption' or 'these assumptions'?
Suggestion: this assumption; these assumptions
...t can help a company success. If all of these assumption cannot be proved, I would not think thi...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, besides, first, however, if, may, so, therefore, thus, in addition, in conclusion, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 19.6327345309 71% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 17.0 12.9520958084 131% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 26.0 28.8173652695 90% => OK
Preposition: 41.0 55.5748502994 74% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2120.0 2260.96107784 94% => OK
No of words: 433.0 441.139720559 98% => OK
Chars per words: 4.896073903 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.56165014514 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.45250800909 2.78398813304 88% => OK
Unique words: 181.0 204.123752495 89% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.418013856813 0.468620217663 89% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 647.1 705.55239521 92% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.22255489022 189% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 27.0 22.8473053892 118% => OK
Sentence length SD: 57.1434256389 57.8364921388 99% => OK
Chars per sentence: 132.5 119.503703932 111% => OK
Words per sentence: 27.0625 23.324526521 116% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.0 5.70786347227 105% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.253602845107 0.218282227539 116% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0998119927358 0.0743258471296 134% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.109110115953 0.0701772020484 155% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.1661096255 0.128457276422 129% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.132068930475 0.0628817314937 210% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.2 14.3799401198 106% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 52.53 48.3550499002 109% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.6 12.197005988 103% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.44 12.5979740519 91% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.42 8.32208582834 89% => OK
difficult_words: 67.0 98.500998004 68% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.8 11.1389221557 115% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.