A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than 6 hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. These results suggest that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night.
In this article, the author claims that if a company is looking forward to prospering, its leader should only recruit employees who have 6 hours or less of sleep per night, due to a survey, which came to the aforementioned conclusion, on the sleep hours of 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives. Though this argument seems reasonable, with the evidence of such a seemingly scientific study, however, it suffers from some critical flaws, which would undermine this argument a lot.
First of all, the sample of this survey is insufficient. Since the study is sought to arrive at a general conclusion about the link between sleep hours and success, that only 300 people are examined is really inappropriate. It would consider some coincidences as a prevailing circumstance. Maybe all of them live in a busy city, for example, New York, whereas if you ask people who live in Dallas, perhaps the condition is totally different.
Moreover, that all of the targets are executives is a huge drawback of this study. We know that to run a successful company is a tough experience. Its leader have to deal with plenty of stuff, such as attending a conference or doing some negotiations with other firms. Thus, they may indeed have less sleep than others. Nevertheless, whether this survey result can be applied generally is uncertain.
In addition, we can see that the subject of this survey is limited. All of the interviewed people are from a single industry advertising. Maybe it is true that people who work in this field are really painstaking. They sedulously work overtime in order to compete with other companies and achieve the success. But we cannot draw the conclusion that people in all fields need to follow their pace.
To sum up, this argument requires further development. The author need to ameliorate the survey and provide a more confident result. There are 3 points he is supposed to cover: (1) he need to survey on more people, but not to survey only about 300 persons, (2) the survey should not be restricted in the range of executives, and some ordinary employees should be considered as well, (3) the survey should enlarge the field of target, and not just in advertising. So as to strengthen the argument, the author have to focus on these points and offer a better survey and finally give us a compelling argument.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
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need more arguments, like:
it is 'A recent study', maybe it is for a busy season.
also need to argue against the conclusion. For this topic it is:
These results suggest that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 400 350
No. of Characters: 1885 1500
No. of Different Words: 209 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.472 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.712 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.67 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 136 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 89 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 60 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 43 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.838 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.75 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.273 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.505 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.106 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 149, Rule ID: FEWER_LESS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'fewer'? The noun hours is countable.
Suggestion: fewer
...y recruit employees who have 6 hours or less of sleep per night, due to a survey, wh...
^^^^
Line 5, column 16, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
...s totally different. Moreover, that all of the targets are executives is a huge drawba...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 69, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: All the
... the subject of this survey is limited. All of the interviewed people are from a single in...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 458, Rule ID: SO_AS_TO[1]
Message: Use simply 'to'
Suggestion: To
...of target, and not just in advertising. So as to strengthen the argument, the author hav...
^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, finally, first, however, if, look, may, moreover, nevertheless, really, so, then, thus, well, whereas, as to, for example, in addition, such as, first of all, it is true, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 19.6327345309 97% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 33.0 28.8173652695 115% => OK
Preposition: 52.0 55.5748502994 94% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1949.0 2260.96107784 86% => OK
No of words: 400.0 441.139720559 91% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.8725 5.12650576532 95% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.472135955 4.56307096286 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.80346994812 2.78398813304 101% => OK
Unique words: 213.0 204.123752495 104% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.5325 0.468620217663 114% => OK
syllable_count: 600.3 705.55239521 85% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 4.96107784431 222% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 4.0 8.76447105788 46% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 1.67365269461 239% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 76.6702517278 57.8364921388 133% => OK
Chars per sentence: 97.45 119.503703932 82% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.0 23.324526521 86% => OK
Discourse Markers: 9.25 5.70786347227 162% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.148552572009 0.218282227539 68% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0388737378169 0.0743258471296 52% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0612901826984 0.0701772020484 87% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0820849936404 0.128457276422 64% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0483685780552 0.0628817314937 77% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.5 14.3799401198 80% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 59.64 48.3550499002 123% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 12.197005988 81% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.97 12.5979740519 87% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.18 8.32208582834 98% => OK
difficult_words: 90.0 98.500998004 91% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.