The following appeared as a letter to the editor from a Central Plaza store owner.
"Over the past two years, the number of shoppers in Central Plaza has been steadily decreasing while the popularity of skateboarding has increased dramatically. Many Central Plaza store owners believe that the decrease in their business is due to the number of skateboard users in the plaza. There has also been a dramatic increase in the amount of litter and vandalism throughout the plaza. Thus, we recommend that the city prohibit skateboarding in Central Plaza. If skateboarding is prohibited here, we predict that business in Central Plaza will return to its previously high levels."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
While it may be true that prohibiting skateboarding in Central Plaza can restore to the store business there, the author’s argument is rife with assumptions and the evidence presented cannot support the recommendation. Therefore, the author might need to address some specific questions if he/she wants to make the argument more convincing.
One question that the author needs to answer before implementing the recommendation is whether the litter and vandalism are done by the skateboard users. The author assumes that the skateboard users are not civilized and are accountable for such rude behaviors, but he/she has neglected the possibility that others could have also be responsible for the litter and vandalism. A possible scenario is that the tourists over the past years have increased, and among them are many rude and uncivil visitors who prefer to discard their drinks on the Central Plaza and carve their names on the statue. Another possible situation is that the trash cans on the Central Plaza have been removed and therefore everyone would have to discard litter on the ground. In order to make the recommendation more valid, the author might need to find out the true culprit for the misbehaviors before banning skateboarding.
Another question that the author needs to address is whether the increase of skateboarding is truly responsible for the shopping decrease in the Central Plaza. Building upon previous assumption that skateboard users are responsible for the misbehaviors, the author implies that their uncivil conducts result in the decrease of business, yet he/she fails to explain the reason and exclude other possibilities that may be accountable for the business decrease. The uncivil behavior may damage the surrounding environment, and therefore shoppers might give up their shopping plans especially those who want to order food in nearby stores, because no one wants to eat in a place full of stench and odor of the rubbish. However, this inferior environment might stimulate other kind of business. For example, people who want to buy deodorant or detergent might be more willingly to purchase in the stores surrounded by garbage and odor. In addition, it might be possible that the price increase leads to the decrease of shopping. One explanation is that as more people come to the city, the traffic congestion in the Central Plaza will lead to fewer product to the stores and consequently force the store owners to increase the price of their products in order to ensure profit. In order to make the recommendation more compelling, the author must find evidence to support the assumption that the increase of litter and vandalism leads to the decrease in store business.
Also, the author suggests that the business of the Central Plaza will increase should the prohibition of skateboarding be implemented. However, the author fails to address the question that whether the prohibition of skateboarding might have a negative effect on the business in the Central Plaza. Even if the skateboard users are responsible for litter and vandalism, and such misbehavior results in the decrease of store business in the Central Plaza, the prohibition of skateboarding might actually have a negative impact on the store business. For stores that sell sports product, their sales will not increase if the recommendation is implemented because fewer people might come to the stores for skateboard and sports equipment. For stores that sell cold drinks, their business will also be poor because fewer people will come to their stores for cold drinks after intensive physical activities such as skateboarding. The author must know whether the prohibition of skateboarding will have a negative impact on the store business before implementing the recommendation.
In conclusion, the author needs to investigate the above questions and decide whether this recommendation might truly benefit the store owners.
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flaws:
No. of Words: 628 350 (write the essay in half an hour)
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 6
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 628 350
No. of Characters: 3257 1500
No. of Different Words: 225 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.006 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.186 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.849 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 235 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 180 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 134 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 77 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28.545 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.258 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.727 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.373 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.552 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.197 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5