The company needs investment for developing it’s satellite technology. It is not that appropriate to say “ we urge all of our clients to invest in this new company”.
The advicer could talk more about the company and it’s personels. For Example by introducing the manager and top workers and their back works and resumes. Actually investors need reasons to invest on company, it should be mentioned in the newsletter what make the Techcorporation competable with the current company?
On the other hand, about the survey, it kind of convincing that if eighty percent of respondents are dissatisfied whit current satellite, they would pay for a new one. And that the current satellite is getting old and close to it’s end.
In conclusion the information that advicer used about the survey may make investors pay attention to this company. But questions about the back of this company must be asked. How they started? Who was the first manager? How is the company’s situation among clients? And so on.
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Minimum 250 words wanted.