The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The argument that the given study provides clues as to the effect of birth order on an individual's level of stimulation is not logically convincing since it ignores certain crucial assumptions.
Firstly, the argument assumes an analogy between the monkeys and the individuals levels of stimulation. The study is made on eight monkeys while the argument claims that the result can be generalized to consider individuals.
Secondly, the study considered only eight monkeys as a sample for investigation. This small sample can not be a good sample to draw conclusions on all monkeys or all individuals.
Finally, the study drew conclusion about the increase of the hormone cortisol in different situations like encounetering an unfamiliar moىkey or return of individuals parents after abscence or during pregnancy for first time monkeys. However, the study omits any other reasons for the increase in cortisol. what was the gender of the monkeys in the study? Does not the hormone generation differ for a male rather than a female monkey? What about the food? Is not the hormone generation affected by the food eaten by those monkeys?
Thus, the argument is not completely sound. The evidence in support of conclusion that a similar behaviour of increase in Cortisol hormone for a monkey and foe a human being when encountering new monkey or their parents does little to prove the conclusion, since it does not address the assumptions raised above.
Ultimately, the argument might have been stregnthened by proving the analogy between the behavior of the monkeys and human beings in such a study, by considering a larger sample, and by increasing the conditions of study to include the gender of the sample members and to include the nourishment style.
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Sentence: Firstly, the argument assumes an analogy between the monkeys and the individuals levels of stimulation.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to individuals and levels
Sentence: Finally, the study drew conclusion about the increase of the hormone cortisol in different situations like encounetering an unfamiliar mo?key or return of individuals parents after abscence or during pregnancy for first time monkeys.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to individuals and parents
Sentence: Finally, the study drew conclusion about the increase of the hormone cortisol in different situations like encounetering an unfamiliar mo?key or return of individuals parents after abscence or during pregnancy for first time monkeys.
Error: abscence Suggestion: absence
Error: mo?key Suggestion: monkey
Error: encounetering Suggestion: encountering
Sentence: Ultimately, the argument might have been stregnthened by proving the analogy between the behavior of the monkeys and human beings in such a study, by considering a larger sample, and by increasing the conditions of study to include the gender of the sample members and to include the nourishment style.
Error: stregnthened Suggestion: strengthened
flaws:
No. of Words: 285 350
No. of Different Words: 143 200
This is a new GRE essay topic which is a bit different to those arguments essays.
You don't need to find flaws from the arguments but are asked to 'discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation...'
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 4 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 285 350
No. of Characters: 1438 1500
No. of Different Words: 143 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.109 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.046 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.808 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 109 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 85 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 52 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 34 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.923 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.59 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.538 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.368 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.685 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.113 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5