Please evaluate my GRE argument essay
Over the past two years, the number of shoppers in Central Plaza has been steadily decreasing while the popularity of skateboarding has increased dramatically. Many Central Plaza store owners believe that the decrease in their business is due to the number of skateboard users in the plaza. There has also been a dramatic increase in the amount of litter and vandalism throughout the plaza. Thus, we recommend that the city prohibit skateboarding in Central Plaza. If skateboarding is prohibited here, we predict that business in Central Plaza will return to its previously high levels."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation
According to the conclusion mentioned in the letter of the Central plaza owner, the argument states that there is a causal relationship between the decreasing number of shoppers and increasing the number of skateboarding in the area which increased the amount of litter and vandalism. The author assumed that this is the main reason behind decreasing the number of sales. If a comprehensive survey was done the actual reason behind the drop in sales would appear.
First the author ignored the assumption that the increase in prices could be the main reason, as shoppers always look for the least expensive products with the best quality. If the shoppers decreased their profit a little bit by decreasing prices or making some discounts and offer this could increase the number of shoppers. Therefore without taking the high prices into consideration, prohibiting the number of skateboarders will not lead to increasing the number of shoppers.
Second, they should analyze the quality and style of products. Maybe the shoppers started to sell low quality products that resulted in the decrease the number of shoppers. Or selling products that lacks the style of most of the buyers in that area. If quality of products and their style were not modified then prohibiting the skateboarding will also not increase the number of shoppers.
Also, mentioning in the letter that “many central plaza store owners believe” without mentioning the actual number does not prove the assumption, if a real number was mentioned out of the total number of score owners that would be more convincing.
Finally, as skateboarding is mainly practiced by children or teenagers this will be mostly affected by the school year. If they were the reason, shoppers will most probably go to the center plaza at times were they will be at school.
To sum up, according to the letter assuming that the increasing number of skateboards leads to the decreasing number of shoppers at the Central plaza has many flaws . They ignored many assumptions like the increase in prices, and quality of products which could be the main reason behind the decrease in business, while the business owners jumped into that conclusion without referring to customer surveys.
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flaws:
No. of Different Words: 156 200
Better to put more contents on arguments to get higher marks.
For issue essays, around 450 words, for argument essays, around 400 words.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 364 350
No. of Characters: 1828 1500
No. of Different Words: 156 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.368 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.022 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.62 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 146 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 91 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 70 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 38 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.267 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.781 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.733 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.39 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.622 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.099 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5