Statistics gathered over the past three decades show that the death rate is higher among those who do not have jobs than among those with regular employment. Unemployment, just like heart disease and cancer, is a significant health issue. While many health care advocates promote increased government funding for medical research and public health care, it would be folly to increase government spending if doing so were to affect the nation’s economy adversely and ultimately cause a rise in unemployment. A Healthy economy means healthy citizen
In this letter to editor the writer suggested that mortality rate is greater among people who do not have job compared with their employed peers according to collected data through recent three decades. At first, it may cast to mind that redundancy may impose such a large amount of stress on unemployed individuals that leads them toward death. However, here, lack of critical and decisive information makes the claim faulty.
One important question that may undermine the writer's claim is "what is the demographic profile of the population who are mentioned in the letter?" It is obvious that most of jobless people are old persons who are already retired and now have no job. Unfortunately the end-stage or mortal health problems are mostly common among old people. Moreover, death rate is naturally higher in the elderly compared with the young. Knowing the average age of studied cases reveals such obscurity about who are making the majority of the joblessness statistics.
Secondly, the letter didn't clarified whether any increased in numbers of unemployment has occurred during the mentioned period of time. And if the answer is positive how does such increase influence the death rate in affected individuals?
Furthermore, the etiologies of so-called deaths are not clear. It has been shown that some types of diseases have stronger correlations with stressful situations. Considering the implication of the letter about relationship between unemployment and killer diseases, it may seem strongly determining to define the causative factors of mentioned increased death rate.
On the whole, to take a rational approach toward major economics modifications or budget distribution, it is critically a must to enlighten the main characteristics of the deaths among jobless people and the demographic features of those people.
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Comments
I put the topic in the
I put the topic in the required field. would you please rate it again?
Thanks a lot!
Score: 3.5 out of 6 Still the
Score: 3.5 out of 6
Still the main flaws are two:
No. of Words: 288 350
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.037 0.07
Means that you don't have 'something' to write about and when you are developing ideas, the logical relations among sentences are low.
Well, you don't rush to write something nowadays. Read other top essays first. You don't read one by one. but choose an essay topic and do a search. like this topic:
http://www.testbig.com/essays-list?keys=Statistics+gathered+over+the+pa…
You will get some essays list.
You don't just read sticky ones, read all of them. and compare and think how much did you get by reading the essays. if you want to write the same essay too, follow those good ones' ideas, styles, or even sentences, it is not a shame at the beginning. Slowly you will get the ideas how to develop and write a good essay.
Let us know if you didn't get the idea.
flaws:
No. of Words: 288 350
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.037 0.07
Better to put the complete essay topic, so we can understand better how you develop the essay.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 288 350
No. of Characters: 1518 1500
No. of Different Words: 175 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.12 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.271 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.864 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 120 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 88 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 68 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.571 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.069 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.643 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.31 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.529 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.037 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5