The best way for a society to prepare its young people for leadership in government, industry, or other fields is by instilling in them a sense of cooperation, not competition.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.
As the existence of the word "competitiveness" implies, it is sometimed deemed that competition is one of the most efficient method to excel. In this regard, it is debatable whether infusing a sense of competition to young people is more efficient than infusing that of cooperation to teach young people a concept of leadership. However, in most cases, I believe that cooperation is more important, thereby efficient, for young people to learn about leadership.
Admittedly, in some cases, competition is crucial in a company's success, and consequently infusing young people a sense of competition might be an efficient way to prepare young people as a leader. This repect can be bolstered by Samsung, one of the only cellphone company which decided to compete with Apple in the embryonic stage of the smartphone industry. On the contrary, most of other cellphone firms decided to cooperate, rather than to compete, with Apple, by providing them some crucial components while manufacturing "canonical" types of cellphones they had been produced. As many people would agree, the cellphone industry was completely deracinated by the smartphone industry, leaving Samsung few companies that survived after the advent of iPhone, and also the only company comparable to Apple. As this example reveals, competition sometimes helps company excel.
However, simply relying on the competion could mire a company and the leaders in a faliure. For example, in case of dealing with Semiconductor industry, many companies have perished because they had choosed to compete. Before the same aforementioned company, Samsung, gained their supremacy on the share of DRAM products, the share of DRAM products were distributed more equally than now to various different firms. However, Samsung decided to initiate the chicken-game, by lowering their price to the unprecedented level. However, most other companies decided to compete with Samsung, and due to that decision, those companies had to withdraw from the DRAM industry. Since some experts aver that they could have flourished if they choose to provide the sub-components that are required to fabricate the DRAM devices Samsung produces, this example weakens the importance of competition to leadership. Moreover, it is also notable that as the industry is becoming more interdisciplinary, the cooperation with other people is also becoming more important.
In brief, although competition sometimes play a crucial role in company's success, cooperation is in general more important. Therefore, rather than instilling young people the myopic obssesion with competition, leaders must try to foster them a sense of cooperation.
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| 2024-11-28 | nha1806 | view | |
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 239, Rule ID: ONE_OF_THE_ONLY[1]
Message: Did you mean 'one of the few'?
Suggestion: one of the few
...his repect can be bolstered by Samsung, one of the only cellphone company which decided to comp...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, consequently, however, if, moreover, so, still, therefore, while, for example, in brief, in general, in most cases, in some cases, on the contrary
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 19.5258426966 82% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 6.0 12.4196629213 48% => OK
Conjunction : 4.0 14.8657303371 27% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 9.0 11.3162921348 80% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 25.0 33.0505617978 76% => OK
Preposition: 64.0 58.6224719101 109% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 12.9106741573 124% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2275.0 2235.4752809 102% => OK
No of words: 409.0 442.535393258 92% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.56234718826 5.05705443957 110% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.49708221141 4.55969084622 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.29232652091 2.79657885939 118% => OK
Unique words: 197.0 215.323595506 91% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.481662591687 0.4932671777 98% => OK
syllable_count: 730.8 704.065955056 104% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.8 1.59117977528 113% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 6.24550561798 112% => OK
Article: 3.0 4.99550561798 60% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 3.10617977528 193% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.77640449438 169% => OK
Preposition: 11.0 4.38483146067 251% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 20.2370786517 84% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 24.0 23.0359550562 104% => OK
Sentence length SD: 47.2777993504 60.3974514979 78% => OK
Chars per sentence: 133.823529412 118.986275619 112% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.0588235294 23.4991977007 102% => OK
Discourse Markers: 9.23529411765 5.21951772744 177% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.97078651685 80% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 7.80617977528 13% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 10.2758426966 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 5.13820224719 19% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.83258426966 124% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.172124347851 0.243740707755 71% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0592544308863 0.0831039109588 71% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0551514601472 0.0758088955206 73% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.120763719078 0.150359130593 80% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0447182325658 0.0667264976115 67% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.8 14.1392134831 119% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 30.2 48.8420337079 62% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.92365168539 111% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 15.0 12.1743820225 123% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 15.26 12.1639044944 125% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.19 8.38706741573 110% => OK
difficult_words: 113.0 100.480337079 112% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 15.5 11.8971910112 130% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.2143820225 103% => OK
text_standard: 16.0 11.7820224719 136% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5/6 paragraphs with 3/4 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: reason 4. address both of the views presented for reason 4 (optional)
para 6: conclusion.
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.