GRE:
Critical judgment of work in any given field has little value unless it comes from someone who is an expert in that field.
In all fields, people only benefit from masters' critics from the same field and other critics do not help. To some degree, I agree that sole the words from people who comprehend the knowledge of the same field have positive aid and the words form others who do not understand the field are nonsense. I support the statement since the intricate knowledge, broad experience, and the fresh perspectives of outsiders.
First of all, only the professors have knowledge about what they are doing. Their thought and views might directly touch on the shortcoming of a work which was ignored before. Therefore, the advices from professionals could benefit a lot. In contrast, other people out of the field who do not consider the things into depth and just reveal their thought randomly which cannot obtain a thoughtful explanation.
Secondly, most masters have wide and ample experience, which can guide novices and have a communication with other professionals in the same level. For the experience is hard to be apprehended and learned by outsides, they have their value to aid the same field people. On the other hand, some outsiders might regard things as easy as textbooks demonstrate. Nevertheless, in real word, there are copious details cannot directly apply formula from textbooks. Sole the masters could offer their experience as an apt judgment.
However, some people who do not belong to the same league might bring up a whole new and surprise idea because they regard the things from distinct perspectives, which is different from the views of the experts who always in the same environments. Therefore, the views from the people who do not possess professional knowledge might also provide helpful insights. On the contrary, one who always communicates with similar people is hard to stand on a different side to consider a thing and then hard to examine the thing thoroughly from all perspectives.
To sum up, although the words from professionals seem much more valuable than the words from outsiders, critical judgment from both experts and outsiders could bring benefit. Thus, there should strike a balance between the opinions of experts and outsiders.
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there are copious details cannot directly apply formula
there are copious details which cannot directly apply formula
flaws:
You told that 'I support the statement', however why you disagree with it at the fourth paragraph? Better to always support one side:
paragraph 1: introduction. Suppose we support side A.
paragraph 2: reason 1 + why reason 1 + example of reason 1 + a small conclusion (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1).
paragraph 3: reason 2 + why reason 2 + example of reason 2 + a small conclusion (like advantages of reason 2 or comparisons if not reason 2).
paragraph 4: Admittedly, there are some advantages of side B. First, ... Second, .... However, there is no causation/relation.... I still support side A...
paragraph 5: conclusion -- reinforce the thesis.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 354 350
No. of Characters: 1769 1500
No. of Different Words: 172 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.338 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.997 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.623 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 117 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 91 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 61 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 41 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.824 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.218 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.647 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.344 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.574 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.084 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5