Food can be produced cheaper if we use improved fertilizes and better machinery. However some of methods may be dangerous for human health, and have negative effects for local communities. What is your opinion?

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Food can be produced cheaper if we use improved fertilizes and better machinery. However some of methods may be dangerous for human health, and have negative effects for local communities. What is your opinion?

Development of technology generates a change for agriculture sector that the foods are produced cheaper by using modern machines. On the contrary, this way provides several negative effects for human body.

Using technology like a food engineering side has some advantages. Firstly, to peak a result production of farming is used to make cycle life of crop to be fast that an exchanging or wheel of harvest will increase to follow climate production. Accordingly, it produces a cheap price of crop and appears many dollars in financier’s pocket. At the same time, many new generations of crops from the plant which is miscellany for plant’s gen. Gen clone will form a fresh shape, taste, and a great supply of meal. As a result, it supports all consumers to purchase and consume product of gather, perpetually, because perhaps buyers lick one’s lips with lower price and various types of crops.

The different views dwell on that utmost significant for improvement method can supply some negative effects, turnaround of positive impacts. At this point, genetic of the basic elements of heredity can snap human health like cancer and dyspepsia. Maybe, these diseases’ are a race against time which means that it can occur if any trigger calls the diseases’ to occupy and present in human body at right time. They spoil structure of human body throughout digestion tract, step by step by following the days. One can also say that equal of plant engineering gathers distresses and tensions for vegetables which will change natural properties, said researchers. Consequently, several vegetables will be extinct by this alteration.

In last word, modification of food product has different gazes between improving product to reach lower price as finance profit and providing dangerous area for well-being of human as negative effect. From my perspective this case, the citizens should not always consume product engineering to avoid a blow of sick in the next period.

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2013-07-01 irfan.saputra 70 view
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Sentence: Development of technology generates a change for agriculture sector which is food produced cheaper by using machine modern.
Description: Can you re-write this sentence? which is not used properly.

flaws:
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.031 0.07

Need to develop sentences smoothly.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 317 350
No. of Characters: 1602 1500
No. of Different Words: 201 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.22 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.054 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.667 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 112 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 90 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 58 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 41 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.133 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.822 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.467 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.294 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.511 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.031 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5

Development of technology generates a change for agriculture sector which is food produced cheaper by using machine modern.
Could u explain to me why that sentence is not used properly?
and how to improve coherence in my writing?

'which' is not used properly. Check out online how to use 'which','that'

Suggestion:
Development of technology generates a change for agriculture sector that the foods are produced cheaper by using modern machines.

Always focus on one thing in one paragraph in order to get high coherence. Correct way or 'pattern' could be like this:

Para 1: introduction.

Para 2: First,reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples (around 2 sentences) + small conclusions(1-2 sentences).

Para 3: Second,reason 2 ,blabla... do the same thing like First

Para 4: Third, reason 3 blabla... do the same thing like First but shorter

Para 5: Conclusion.

Read this link about Coherence:
http://www.testbig.com/question/coherence

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