In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else.
Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages?
These days, in several parts of the world, all parts of one family do not stay for a long period with their relatives. What does it mean? Especially, young citizen who grows to the higher period of their life, they prefer to move to other city to continue their education to the better level. Others go out from their home and stay in another towns to work. Does this fact bring positive effects or backwards as well? Let us discuss these possibilities!
To begin with, leaving home for some teenagers causes many problems that they could find in their new place. One of the commonest problems that they usually get is homesick. They will feel lonely without their families that they always see every day in their home. Sometimes, it could make them extremely stressful. Even, it can make them give up and go back to their home. Does this the only effect of going from home by young workers and learners?
This paragraph will give the answer that the situation where young people leave their parents has positive effect as well. In one example in Indonesia, most of young people especially students who graduated from elementary school prefer to study in the place which is far from their hometown. This condition gives them many benefits for their future. One of the advantages that they can show in the short term is they are more active at home. Their parents do not need to ask them first when they need help from their children. Their children will automatically understand what their parents need and want. It shows that leaving parents for study and work brings many positive effects for their live and for people who live around them.
To put them in a nutshell, it is true that in some cases where young inhabitants leave their home, they will miss their parents. But, other teenagers who have strong determination with their goal, it is not a big problem that could stop their step. They will fight with their feeling and say to themselves that they can pass their problem in front of them. As a young people, we should consider with our aim when we decide to move from our home to another places which are in different area with our relatives.
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Sentence: Others go out from their home and stay in another towns to work.
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to another and towns
Sentence: To begin with, leaving home for some teenagers causes many problems that they could find in their new place.
Description: The fragment teenagers causes many is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace causes with verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
they can show in the short term is they are more active at home.
they can show in the short term is that they are more active at home.
young citizen who grows to
young citizens who grow to
other teenagers who have strong determination with their goal, it is not a big problem that could stop their step.
for other teenagers who have strong determination with their goals, it is not a big problem to stop their steps.
from our home to another places
from our home to other places
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 382 350
No. of Characters: 1734 1500
No. of Different Words: 192 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.421 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.539 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.135 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 90 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 63 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 42 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 26 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 16.609 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.118 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.261 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.272 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.447 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.136 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5