The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people this is due to problems such as growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children health.
What extent do you agree with this view?
With the advent of affluence, there has been an increase in the prevalence of child obesity among industrialized countries. Some people attribute this tendency among young people to ever-growing fast food culture. However, others are of the view that this it a consequence of inadequate parental attention towards their children health. Obviously, these kinds of health issues could be alleviated if parents direct their children in the correct way.
On the one hand, it is an immense responsibility of parents to cultivate good feeding habit among their children. In fact, their guidance and advice are indispensable in increasing awareness of children about detrimental outcomes of fast food culture. Moreover, parents should make a great deal of effort to prepare their meals at home in a healthy manner. These kinds of approaches of parents are invariably effective in mitigating child obesity.
On the other hand, the number of fast food outlet is growing in an alarming rate. Foods and beverages available in these outlets are rich in fat, oil and flavors but poor in qualities. Thus, it is clear that the increased popularity of fast food outlet has also contributed to this health issue to some extent.
However, in my opinion, if parents can teach their children the possible health issues of eating junk foods they would never be attracted to these kings of instant food outlets. Young ones should also be encouraged to involve in physical activities and eat balance diet to lose excess weight. Clearly, parents should play a decisive role in directing their children in the correct way to improve their eating habits and attitudes towards foods and lifestyle.
To sum up, children obesity is an inevitable consequent of insufficient parental guidance of their young ones towards healthy feeding and lifestyle. Thus, the growing number of fast food outlets can not be blamed in this regard.
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Sentence: However, others are of the view that this it a consequence of a lack of sufficient attention from parents towards their children health.
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a pronoun, personal, accusative
Suggestion: Refer to this and it
flaws:
Sentence Length SD: 4.285 7.5
'On the other hand' means However. It doesn't mean 'On another hand'
And be sensitive to use 'However'. It will change the structure of an essay.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 310 350
No. of Characters: 1548 1500
No. of Different Words: 164 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.196 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.994 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.646 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 120 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 91 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 54 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 36 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.375 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.285 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.688 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.331 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.579 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.044 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5