Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss about these views and give your opinion.
There are like pros and cons among people about children improvement reached by either competitive atmosphere or teamwork. In my view, the best way to deal with this contradiction is that people have to try find both advantages and disadvantages of each idea especially related to children’s mentality and their attitude when they grow up.
First of all, competition for kids probably becomes an effective method to enhance their mentality because of pressure. Doing an activity with under pressure force them to show their best performance. The real pressure is when they have to be better than others. A simple example is in the class where pupils are forced to be the best one if they are able to answer questions correctly. Nevertheless, students who could not follow this rule would tend to have heavy depression which causes mental destruction because of too much burden.
In the different side, children who are taught to live with togetherness without any pressure in a competition would have fascinating leadership attitude. In the team, they have a wider chance to appreciate their friends and to share the skill that they have. Working for the team allow youth to have an opportunity to develop their communication skill which is useful in their future. Unfortunately, kids are sometimes unaware of benefits which they would reach. Some of them tend to be passive student because they feel that they cannot do a better work. Consequently, some students prefer to be followers than leaders.
Although there is a fundamental contradiction, people could extract beneficial sides which are considered as the most essential aspect for improving children’s personality. Also combining both of views is conceivably a flawless way to support overwhelmingly their character enhancement.
In conclusion, each student needs different treatment because some of them could not conquer the pressure they face. Therefore selected strategy must be prepared proportionally to ensure that all children mentally gain positive impact.
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Sentence: Doing an activity with under pressure force them to show their best performance.
Description: The fragment pressure force them is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace force with verb, past tense
Sentence: Working for the team allow youth to have an opportunity to develop their communication skill which is useful in their future.
Description: The fragment team allow youth is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace allow with verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
flaws:
Need more sentence varieties. All sentence varieties will lead to more credits.
Need to write the sentences more smoothly.
'Which' is not properly used sometimes.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 320 350
No. of Characters: 1676 1500
No. of Different Words: 188 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.229 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.238 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.886 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 117 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 92 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 71 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 48 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.824 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.289 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.471 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.3 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.545 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.093 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5