Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below

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Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The bar chart compares the differences of internet access between broadband and dial up connection in nine countries, namely, USA, Japan, Malaysia, France, Germany, Italy, UK, India and Australia, in the year 2009.

It is immediately apparent that broadband connection tends to be more commonly used in most countries in that year. Broadband connection usage was significantly higher in the USA, Japan, Malaysia and Italy with a rate of about 50%, 44%, 32%, 25% respectively, which was at least three times more than dial up connections. In addition, France and Germany had broadband usage of just above 30%, which was slightly more favourable than dial up.

On the other hand, in the UK and India, dial up connection was more popular, at least 10% more than broadband connection. On a separate note, Australia was the only country that had equal percentage of both broadband and dial up connection usage, with a rate of about 20%.

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flaws:
No. of Words: 155 200

More content wanted. better to have 4 paragraphs:

para 1: introduction
para 2: body 1
para 3: body 2
para 4: conclusion

sample:
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or
para 1: introduction
para 2: conclusion
para 3: body 1
para 4: body 2

sample:
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http://www.testbig.com/ielts-essays/graphs-below-show-types-music-album…
http://www.testbig.com/ielts-essays/table-below-gives-information-about…

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 6 10
No. of Words: 155 200
No. of Characters: 739 1000
No. of Different Words: 84 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.528 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.768 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.731 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 42 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 37 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 32 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 23 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.833 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.984 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.566 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.744 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.177 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 3 4