The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Other believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children’s health. To what extent do you agree with these view?
It maybe true that the number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Maybe the main cause is modern countries expand their business by investing their money in developed countries on fast food restaurant sector. And by expanding business in this fields, it helps the growth of fast food outlet. The more the outlet grows, means the more possibilities the people will buy.
However the real issue here is whether people buy their everyday’s meal from fast food outlet. Unless for celebrating some event like their children’s birthday or their children graduation’s day, people in developed countries might not buy their meal from fast food since their price is way too expensive for them. Based on this, it is assumed that the parents maybe looking after their children’s health since they can only give their children house-made food while they can not afford food from fast food outlet to be eaten for everyday’s meal.
Having looked at both sides of this issue, it is needed a deeper considerable study to think carefully about the main problem when deciding the main source of this problem. Nowadays, there are so many publications about health on how children become overweight. It is really helpful to decide whether they get overweight because of their gene so eventhough they eat just a normal calories their body burn twice below the normal or because of their bad habit so no matter what kind of food they eat they still get weight over and over.
On the other hand, it is still argued if it is really happened in developed countries since fast food outlet grows more in modern countries than developed countries. Some argue that it is not because of the growth of fast food outlet and others believe it is because the gene making calories burn twice or third times below normal.
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| 2014-01-22 | dinandjait | 77 | view |
| 2014-01-12 | eddysuaib | 83 | view |
It maybe true
It may be true
Maybe the main cause is modern countries expand their business
Maybe the main cause is that modern countries expand their business
Sentence: And by expanding business in this fields, it helps the growth of fast food outlet.
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to this and fields
Sentence: Unless for celebrating some event like their children's birthday or their children graduation's day, people in developed countries might not buy their meal from fast food since their price is way too expensive for them.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common, genitive
Suggestion: Refer to children and graduation's
Description: The word way is not usually used as a qualifier, pre
Suggestion: Refer to way
Sentence: It is really helpful to decide whether they get overweight because of their gene so eventhough they eat just a normal calories their body burn twice below the normal or because of their bad habit so no matter what kind of food they eat they still get weight over and over.
Error: eventhough Suggestion: No alternate word
flaws:
No. of Different Words: 152 200
The essay is not well organized. Better like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1
para 3: reason 2
para 4: reason 3 (optional)
para 5: conclusion
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 12 15
No. of Words: 308 350
No. of Characters: 1481 1500
No. of Different Words: 152 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.189 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.808 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.356 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 96 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 58 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 44 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 32 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.667 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.778 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.395 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.625 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.15 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5