Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life.
Which do you consider to be the major influence.
Different factors are considered important in people's character and development. Some individuals believe that the innate talents and attribues have more impact on people's personality than experiences that they earn during their lives. In my opinion, although the characteristics which people possess at birth have significant impact on their personality, the effects of daily experiences should not be overlooked.
To begin with, each person is born with unique attributes which determine their characters in the future. Even in early years of life, children are different in their behaviour and characteristics. Sometimes, siblings who are growing in the same family possess compeletly different characteristics. These unique attributes and innate talents could have a crucial impact on their future lives as adults. For instance, children with kind personality, enjoy helping others and this could result in getting involved in human rights activities or other charity organization; or children born with special talents in art might be a famous artist in the future.
Nevertheless, environment and new experiences also have dramatic effects on individuals' personality and development. Children who are growing up in broken families or in other unsuitable enviroments, could end up with many antisocial or peronality disorders. They may choose negative role models or get influenced by bad friends and this could exagerated the situation even further. On the other hand, good experiences in a nuclean family and a suitable, warm, and friendly education environment, can improve personality of children and encourage them to pursue a prosperous future life.
In conclusion, I believe that both innate attributes and new experiences are very important in developing people's personality. The characteristics which people own at the time of birth could be nourished with good experiences in suitabe environments and result in making a good personality.
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Sentence: They may choose negative role models or get influenced by bad friends and this could exagerated the situation even further.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, past participle
Suggestion: Refer to could and exagerated
Sentence: Some individuals believe that the innate talents and attribues have more impact on people's personality than experiences that they earn during their lives.
Error: attribues Suggestion: attributes
Sentence: Sometimes, siblings who are growing in the same family possess compeletly different characteristics.
Error: compeletly Suggestion: completely
Sentence: Children who are growing up in broken families or in other unsuitable enviroments, could end up with many antisocial or peronality disorders.
Error: peronality Suggestion: personality
Error: enviroments Suggestion: environments
Sentence: They may choose negative role models or get influenced by bad friends and this could exagerated the situation even further.
Error: exagerated Suggestion: exaggerated
Sentence: On the other hand, good experiences in a nuclean family and a suitable, warm, and friendly education environment, can improve personality of children and encourage them to pursue a prosperous future life.
Error: nuclean Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: The characteristics which people own at the time of birth could be nourished with good experiences in suitabe environments and result in making a good personality.
Error: suitabe Suggestion: suitable
flaws:
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
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No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
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No. of Words: 292 350
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Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.134 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.586 4.6
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Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.857 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.845 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.351 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.56 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.073 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5