In some countries, children are expected to study long hours in and after school and have little free time. Describe the positive and negative effects of this.
Modern parents and school teachers often put more of an emphasis on children to study hard, rather than to play with their friends, in some parts of the world. While spending time on studies has many benefits, there are also some drawbacks which are worth considering.
On the one hand, the act of forcing young children may have negative effects for several ways. Firstly, young children at that age are often active and vigorous. In this period, it is more appropriate to see them play around with their peers for either outdoor activities such as playing at the playground or indoor activities such as playing video games. Secondly, many children find it difficult to accept the exceeding demands of teachers or parents in terms of studies. The result of this is that they would suffer from too much stress. Finally, a lack of physical exercises due to the excessive time spent on studies would have a negative effect on children’s growth.
On the other hand, although pushing young pupils to study most in their childhood can seem to be harsh, it has longer-term benefits. Studying since younger age can certainly pay off in later life. Students who achieve higher grades in high school are more likely to get into prestigious university and will be able to gain qualifications that open the door to better job opportunities. As a result, they may earn higher salaries and social status than those without university degree.
In conclusion, I believe there needs to be a balance between time spend in study and free time. Success in life may offer fortune and fame but it does not necessarily create a happy person.
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between time spend in study and free time.
between time spending in study and free time.
flaws:
need to develop sentences more smoothly, read this one:
Modern parents and school teachers often put more of an emphasis on children to study hard, rather than to play with their friends, in some parts of the world.
why you put two commas in the middle of the sentence?
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 277 350
No. of Characters: 1314 1500
No. of Different Words: 174 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.08 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.744 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.447 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 91 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 64 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 40 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 21 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.786 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.774 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.301 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.53 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.041 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5