Some people believe that money is the most important factor achieving happiness.However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money.Do you agree or disagree?

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Some people believe that money is the most important factor achieving happiness.However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money.Do you agree or disagree?

Does money always play the main role in people's happiness? Is the money factor inevitable and irreversible? Most people might answer: Yes! For example, they believe that having money always resulting power and good luck, but there is a controversial issue that contradicts this belief. Money the human's abstract prosperity!

Nowadays, in most societies specially in developing ones, we are witness to this fact that money have a big impression on people lives. Actually, you can do anything you want, obtaining any convenience facilities in life causing peace and happiness afterwards. However, money is the most powerful alternative reaching high wishes. Perhaps, obvious social layer gaps are so touchable. Although, the people in this band believe with the point they have worked more, taking pains upon, they are rightful to enjoy their money in any occasion. Therefore, the money is equal to power, the power leads to pleasure, the pleasure accompanied by peace and the peace results happiness.

Against the points stated above, prosperity is not coming out from money. Independently, we do not face with this outstanding phenomenon in advanced and developed countries in the way that clears in opposed mentioned unions before. Undoubtedly, the money is impressive in people welfares but to make it more clearly, it is not so effective in our whole life. Indeed, humans can achieve purely inner happiness and pleasure by their social and family relations, respects and friendships. While, most of the people in societies, simultaneously, have a considerable and leveled layer with the equivalent range of financial incomes and social respects, not only the money is just talking but also other factors like love, kindness, human relations, honesty and much more sort of things getting involved then.

Generally, governments are responsible to create exact rules and compiled programs, reducing social layer gaps to minimum and also people should do their bests to pull off. In my opinion, in such sympathetic and entire humanities, reaching to the human soul with high spirits is available since the money is just an abstract idea rather than being a specific event in human minds.

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2015-07-22 Behzad.Pajang 70 view
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having money always resulting power and good luck
having money is always resulting in power and good luck

we are witness to this fact that money have a big impression
we are witnessing to this fact that money has a big impression

the pleasure accompanied by peace
the pleasure is accompanied by peace

not only the money is just talking but also other factors like love
Description: 'Not only...but also' is not used properly. can you re-write this sentence?

Sentence: Nowadays, in most societies specially in developing ones, we are witness to this fact that money have a big impression on people lives.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to people and lives

Sentence: Undoubtedly, the money is impressive in people welfares but to make it more clearly, it is not so effective in our whole life.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to people and welfares

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 348 350
No. of Characters: 1788 1500
No. of Different Words: 204 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.319 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.138 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.633 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 128 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 94 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 71 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.333 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.372 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.316 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.486 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.064 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5