Some people get into debts by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

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Some people get into debts by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

Borrowing money from the banks on unnecessary or unaffordable purchases is one of the issues widely discussed nowadays. The main reason for this behaviour is an irresistible desire to “keep up” with others and the pervasive influence of advertisements.

The major reason for getting loans and hence getting into debts for years is people’s desire to “keep up” with their neighbours, relatives, friends and role models. Advertisements have a dramatic influence on our lives. It is impossible to escape from them, because they are everywhere: on TV, in newspapers, on the internet and the like. The advertisements do not only provide individuals with information about new products, they just attack them, making people think that without this particular product they cannot survive in life. People’s problem is they think too much about what others possess and wear, what cars they drive and where they spend their holidays. Moreover, many of them exaggerate their material possibilities; consequently, they are not able to pay back their bank loans in time.

Undoubtedly, certain actions are urgently needed. For example, banks should check more thoroughly a customer’s background before approving his loan application. Another action could be re-education of citizens and giving true information about all the consequences of unpaid loans. A further solution is setting a positive parents’ example and encouraging children to save some pocket money. Consumers also need more self-discipline and develop a strict budget.

We all need to change our attitude towards things we do not possess at present. It is normal to lack some things in life. It is much more important to be healthy, live in peace, treasure relationships and strive to become a better person, which has nothing to do with possessions people have.

In conclusion, citizens should take bank loans more seriously and focus more on non-material things, making their lives richer from the inside.

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People’s problem is they think too much about what others possess
People’s problem is that they think too much about what others possess

flaws:
Duplicated content:
'The main reason for this behaviour is an irresistible desire to “keep up” with others and the pervasive influence of advertisements.'

'The major reason for getting loans and hence getting into debts for years is people’s desire to “keep up” with their neighbours, relatives, friends and role models. '

The fourth paragraph is a little bit away of the topic. You may remove this paragraph or put it somewhere as introduction.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 309 350
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Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.089 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5