It is sometimes argued that too many students go to university, while others claim that a university education should be a universal right.
Discuss both sides of the argument and give your own opinion.
In developed countries, the number of students, who had graduated from the universities, is increasing every year. Critics, on the other hand, claim that many university courses are worthless and young people would be better off with gaining skills in the workforce. In this essay, I will examine the both sides of the arguments and try to reach a reasonable conclusion.
Many of funds, which are available at the society, are provided by the government. Likewise, most of school loans also, are supported by the government. The government has made a deficit of some trillion dollars for supporting universities and for research funds, which amount increases every year as the number of students increase. The school loans would burdened on students after graduating from their universities, until they got paid back. Thus, this increase in amount on student’s loan put up the weight on to the government’s shoulder as a whole.
As the society has changed rapidly with the technology advancement, there are a various positions with no requirement for the university degree. For example, computer programmers or computer analysts such as Steve Jobs or Bill Gates are the commonly known as a successful person without the university certificate. Therefore, it is not the only option to get employed with a university degree.
On the other hand, still many of young people prefer to obtain a tertiary degree immediately after their high school graduations. The first and foremost reason is that, the society has created the rule where someone with a degree has more opportunities to get hired by the company than someone with a certificate. Therefore, the university degree is used as a cornerstone for achieving a successful life. The most of successful businesses owners have obtained with a reputable university degree. Secondly, in order to develop the country, teenagers will acquire tertiary education. According to the BBC press, the number of graduates is higher in developed countries than developing countries. If more individuals have educated, then they could have make some suggestions to the government to changing with the society. Therefore, the society could improve by suggestions of individuals.
In conclusion, even though it is crucial for individuals to educate for future development reasons, in my perspective, obtain with real life experiences is more crucial.
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, which amount increases every year as the number of students increase.
Description: can you re-write this sentence?
they could have make some suggestions to the government to changing with the society.
they could have made some suggestions to the government to change with the society.
obtain with real life experiences is more crucial.
obtaining real life experiences is more crucial.
Sentence: The school loans would burdened on students after graduating from their universities, until they got paid back.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, past participle
Suggestion: Refer to would and burdened
flaws:
How did you get this idea from the topic: 'and young people would be better off with gaining skills in the workforce.'?
and this is a wrong conclusion: 'in my perspective, obtain with real life experiences is more crucial.'. You can say something like: 'because of the burdens of the government, and the technical development in some fiends, university degrees are not necessary.' as you told in the second and third paragraphs.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 377 350
No. of Characters: 1955 1500
No. of Different Words: 197 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.406 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.186 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.891 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 146 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 117 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 89 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 66 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.85 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.06 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.6 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.289 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.515 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.059 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5