65. Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.
All people try to achieve the best living condition both mentally and financially. They work hard, earn money to be able to fulfill all their desires so that they can achieve happiness. When it comes to happiness, controversy surrounds the issue of whether an individual will be fulfilled with happines through his jobs or social life. Some people are of the opinion that job satisfaction plays an important role in bringing them with happy lives since they have spent large proportion of their time at work place. I believe, however, happiness cannot be gained unless we get involved in social lives for the following reasons.
One of the most interesting aspects of the current discussion which demands a keen contemplation is that human beings cannot survive without communication. People are social animals. They want to develop their friendships with each other to have a less stressful life. When they encounter problems, they try to find one of their friends to consult with. For example, hanging out with friends would create pleasure and satisfaction for you. When you make a plan to go hiking, this activity keeps your mind away from getting involved in your problems. As a result, this reduce stress and anxiety which are common problems at your work place. However, doing arduous tasks, and taking huge responsibilities at job deplete all your energy, which prohibits you from having a happy life.
Another noteworthy aspect of the ongoing discussion which demands to be reflected is that people who consider job as their priority which brings them happiness are not satisfied with their preference. There are many experts in specialized fields and skillful people who are not able to establish friendship with even their friends. Since they always value their jobs, they have been deprived of being able to make friends with the opposite sex. While if they attended simple social activities such as gym, and party, they would be able to have many friends. Joining a club, for instance, learns you how to be familiar with others’ behavior, attitudes, and outlooks. In this case, you can communicate with whoever you want without facing difficulties. This means building up your confidence.
To sum up, not only improving your mental health but also having ability to develop your friendship with others are the results of your positive social lives, which leads to happiness, pleasure and sense of accomplishment for an individual. I hope that all people understand that happiness means paying more attention to our spirits rather than gathering money.
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Sentence: As a result, this reduce stress and anxiety which are common problems at your work place.
Description: The fragment this reduce stress is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace reduce with verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Joining a club, for instance, learns you how to be familiar with others’ behavior,
Joining a club, for instance, teaches you how to be familiar with others’ behavior,
Sentence: When it comes to happiness, controversy surrounds the issue of whether an individual will be fulfilled with happines through his jobs or social life.
Error: happines Suggestion: No alternate word
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 26 in 30
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 419 350
No. of Characters: 2098 1500
No. of Different Words: 234 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.524 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.007 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.554 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 150 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 110 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 69 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.045 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.666 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.364 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.279 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.437 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.142 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5