Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children rely too much on technology, like computers, smart phones, video games for fun and entertainment. Playing simpler toys or playing outside with friends would be better for children’s development.
Without any shadow of doubt, technology plays a prominent role in people’s lives. No one can deny the significant role of this phenomena in our privet lives. Although some people might adhere to the idea that using technological objects such as computers, video games and smartphones cause no problems for children, others possess the conviction that it is required for children to go outside and spend more time with their friends as a way of being entertained. As far as I am concerned, playing simpler or hanging out with friends is a much more effective way for children’s developments. I will elaborate on my reasons through the following paragraphs.
To start with, one should take into account that childhood is a crucial period of human’s life. The way that people will act, behave and think in the future, is directly affected by the intellectual nourishments they get in younghood. A myriad of skills develop during this period of time: for instance, social skills such as how to make friends, experience different feelings like happiness and sadness, the way they should grow the sense of empathy for others, and deal with their own disappointments. Not only does being dependent on smartphones and video games keep the children in a secluded mind condition, but it also stops them to care for others in their lives. They will be deprived of having the experience to be connected to their friends and families.
Another noteworthy reason I would like to mention is that spending a lot of time playing with technological gadgets like virtual reality glasses, video games, online games, and computers could have negative effects on children’s health conditions. It is not far from the imagination that by just sitting behind a desk and having no physical activity, obtaining weight is inevitable. Being obesity leads to problems such as diabetes, high blood pressure, and other kinds of diseases. Take a personal experience as an example. My youngest brother was only six years old, spending a lot of time playing online games via a smartphone. After a while, I realized that he cannot even walk in an appropriate way. He had gained too many weight, but he refused to join us at the dinner table. Fortunately, my parents took an action introducing him to a therapist and medical doctor. They helped my brother to get back on the track. Had my parents not done anything, he probably was really sick today.
Taking everything into account, I am of the view that it is harmful to children to only deal with technology for having fun because of the undesirable influence it has on developing social skills and health conditions. I highly recommend to the parents who have children in their houses to be more sensitive about the ways that their children are spending time. Being relied on technological inventions should ring the bell for them to be more cautious about the development process of young people.
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Comments
thank you so much!
thank you so much!
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 128, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'these'?
Suggestion: these
...No one can deny the significant role of this phenomena in our privet lives. Although...
^^^^
Line 2, column 279, Rule ID: PERIOD_OF_TIME[1]
Message: Use simply 'period'.
Suggestion: period
... A myriad of skills develop during this period of time: for instance, social skills such as ho...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 687, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in an appropriate way" with adverb for "appropriate"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...le, I realized that he cannot even walk in an appropriate way. He had gained too many weight, but he ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 728, Rule ID: MANY_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun weight seems to be countable; consider using: 'many weights'.
Suggestion: many weights
...n an appropriate way. He had gained too many weight, but he refused to join us at the dinne...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 501, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...he development process of young people.
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, if, really, so, while, for instance, such as, to start with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 15.1003584229 126% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 9.8082437276 112% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 13.8261648746 108% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 11.0286738351 91% => OK
Pronoun: 46.0 43.0788530466 107% => OK
Preposition: 69.0 52.1666666667 132% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 8.0752688172 124% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2451.0 1977.66487455 124% => OK
No of words: 491.0 407.700716846 120% => OK
Chars per words: 4.99185336049 4.8611393121 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.70728369723 4.48103885553 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.88107838442 2.67179642975 108% => OK
Unique words: 266.0 212.727598566 125% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.541751527495 0.524837075471 103% => OK
syllable_count: 748.8 618.680645161 121% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 9.59856630824 115% => OK
Article: 3.0 3.08781362007 97% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 3.51792114695 85% => OK
Conjunction: 5.0 1.86738351254 268% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 3.0 4.94265232975 61% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 20.6003584229 112% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 20.1344086022 104% => OK
Sentence length SD: 69.9800403626 48.9658058833 143% => OK
Chars per sentence: 106.565217391 100.406767564 106% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.347826087 20.6045352989 104% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.04347826087 5.45110844103 56% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.5376344086 90% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 11.8709677419 93% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 3.85842293907 130% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.88709677419 143% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.306450351632 0.236089414692 130% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0728088725296 0.076458572812 95% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0811241194052 0.0737576698707 110% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.193391665501 0.150856017488 128% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0710491261089 0.0645574589148 110% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.7 11.7677419355 108% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 58.62 58.1214874552 101% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 10.1575268817 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.66 10.9000537634 107% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.57 8.01818996416 107% => OK
difficult_words: 121.0 86.8835125448 139% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 10.002688172 145% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 10.0537634409 103% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 10.247311828 88% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 90.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 27.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.