Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do-rather than doing things they should do.  Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Generally speaking, the modern societies are full of stress, with strict laws for employees during work and big companies try to use all resources they have to accrue affluence, and they count on humankind as a resource. However, this cruel system of economy lay down the law in societies, but it's inevitable in the modern world. In this harsh, inexorable system, people need time for personal enjoyment and spending and sharing leisure time with families and friends and build a bond of social connections. In my point of view, not only people needs this time, but also this has to increase for following reasons.

One important aspect of spending time for personal enjoyment is that people need to refresh their minds to increase the efficiency of routine work. According to types of research people who spend enough time for own enjoyment, in contrast to people in which, spend a lot of time at work has better efficiency on their jobs and, it builds happiness and satisfaction about life in these people. For example, many big companies even make special rooms for resting and having some leisure time during work because they know this key-point that its intuitive in humans and their benefits ties with the efficiency of their employees.

Another equally important thing about spending time for personal enjoyment is that we have a happier society. As mentioned before spending enough time for vacations and sharing time with families and friends builds general happiness. One of the aspects of a happy community is that it increases the level of mental and psychological health. For example statistically, we observe more social-gatherings, fewer separations, dynamic economy, fewer crimes, in happy societies in contrast to very strict systems in which people have inflexible work time with not enough vacations and enjoyments.

So based on all points mentioned above, not only the time people spend for enjoyments are not enough but also we need to increase the ratio of it and increase the proportion of these type of pleasures. It's beneficial for all elements of the community from economy to relationships.

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Average: 8.8 (4 votes)
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 290, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...f economy lay down the law in societies, but its inevitable in the modern world. ...
^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, however, if, so, as to, for example, in contrast, in contrast to

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 5.0 15.1003584229 33% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 3.0 9.8082437276 31% => OK
Conjunction : 18.0 13.8261648746 130% => OK
Relative clauses : 7.0 11.0286738351 63% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 28.0 43.0788530466 65% => OK
Preposition: 54.0 52.1666666667 104% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 8.0752688172 87% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1781.0 1977.66487455 90% => OK
No of words: 347.0 407.700716846 85% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.1325648415 4.8611393121 106% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.31600926901 4.48103885553 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.74500782816 2.67179642975 103% => OK
Unique words: 175.0 212.727598566 82% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.504322766571 0.524837075471 96% => OK
syllable_count: 550.8 618.680645161 89% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 9.59856630824 42% => OK
Article: 1.0 3.08781362007 32% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 3.51792114695 28% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.86738351254 161% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.94265232975 121% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 13.0 20.6003584229 63% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 26.0 20.1344086022 129% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 58.9078108362 48.9658058833 120% => OK
Chars per sentence: 137.0 100.406767564 136% => OK
Words per sentence: 26.6923076923 20.6045352989 130% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.76923076923 5.45110844103 106% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.5376344086 18% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 11.8709677419 93% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 3.85842293907 52% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.88709677419 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.13223342628 0.236089414692 56% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0577570724175 0.076458572812 76% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0382878468746 0.0737576698707 52% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0889771435149 0.150856017488 59% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0261269854052 0.0645574589148 40% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.1 11.7677419355 137% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 45.09 58.1214874552 78% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.4 10.1575268817 132% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.77 10.9000537634 117% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.52 8.01818996416 106% => OK
difficult_words: 79.0 86.8835125448 91% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 10.002688172 135% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.4 10.0537634409 123% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 10.247311828 127% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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We are expecting: No. of Words: 350 while No. of Different Words: 200
Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.

So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:

reasons == advantages or

reasons == disadvantages

for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.


Rates: 60.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 18.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.