Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.
It is incontrovertibly axiomatic that in today’s sophisticated world, with the galloping development in technology, education have the key role in the life of younger school children, because having a prosperous life in the future is not feasible without a proper education. Assorted approaches could be implemented by education policy-maker to help children benefit greatly from their time in school. With this in mind, a heated controversy exists among people as to whether or not younger student, particularly ages five to ten, should be necessitated to study art and music, as well as math, science, history and language. Although it is hard to reach a consensus on this issue, I am, to great extent, on the belief that it is more beneficial for student to study art and music along with other courses for quite a few reasons, among which two conspicuous ones are substantiated in following paragraph.
To commence, the first exquisite reason which advocate my viewpoint is the great importance of time during school period. Younger school children have a great free time in the day, which can be managed effectively in school by learning different art and music such as painting, playing different kinds of music instruments, and acting, to name but three, rather than wasting their time on fruitless activities such as playing computer games. Furthermore, it stands to reason that by exposing students to various kinds of activities and instructions, they would more wisely find their interest and passion, which is of paramount importance to choosing their future job and having a prosperous life in the future. The noteworthy interesting social research conducted in my country, Iran, illustrates that by considering two different school with same age of children, that only in one of them children take music courses four hours in a week, at the end of semester it is revealed that the average scores of final exams for those children taken music course are 20 percent more than of those in other school. Hence, these worthwhile statistics throw some light on the point that younger student not only have enough time for taking art and music course, but also these course have a great influence on their total final scores.
Alongside with the first reason elaborated above, the fact that music and art have a profound effect on student’s mind is another point which requires meticulous attention. It is confirmed that listening and playing music instrument such as piano and violin as well as other kind of art like painting not only give younger students more chance to relieve their stress and tension, specifically when they are overwhelmed and saddled with a lot of tasks and projects, but also bring them and their peers a sheer sense of enjoyment and happiness. Furthermore from the medical perspective, while individuals are listening to music, after a while a specific kind of hormone produce from their brain, which bring about a sense of happiness as well as promote the rate of learning. However, what I mentioned above might not be overgeneralized to all context. Some students do not enjoy listing to music and get angered from it. Nevertheless, rarely can all students be classified in this category.
Drawing upon the reasons, although there are always some exceptions which excluded from the general rule, I do agree that the benefits of music and art are substantial for younger student and they should be required to study music and art courses in addition math, history, and language. To recapitulate the reasons, not only do younger students have great free time, which should be used in an effective way, but also the effect of music and art on the student’s brain could not be overstated. Consequently, I strongly recommend that policy-maker devote sufficient budget to schools for offering music and art courses.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2018-09-09 | emadifahimeh@gmail.com | 73 | view |
| 2018-09-09 | emadifahimeh@gmail.com | 73 | view |
| 2018-06-04 | nimaasd | 73 | view |
| 2017-08-22 | peerless alex | 90 | view |
- Integrated TPO 45 73
- Some young people have free time in the evenings after school or on days off from school. Which of the following activities would be most beneficial for young people (ages 14-18) to do in their spare time? Why?- Gaining practical work experience either at 73
- Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. 70
- TPO-30 - Independent Writing Task Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours. Use spec 73
- Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. 90
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 468, Rule ID: WHETHER[4]
Message: Wordiness: Shorten this phrase to the shortest possible suggestion.
Suggestion: whether; whether or not; as to whether
... heated controversy exists among people as to whether or not younger student, particularly ages five...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...nfluence on their total final scores. Alongside with the first reason elaborat...
^^^
Line 5, column 550, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Furthermore,
...sheer sense of enjoyment and happiness. Furthermore from the medical perspective, while ind...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 997, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...tudents be classified in this category. Drawing upon the reasons, although there...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 390, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in an effective way" with adverb for "effective"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...e great free time, which should be used in an effective way, but also the effect of music and art o...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, consequently, first, furthermore, hence, however, if, nevertheless, so, well, while, as to, in addition, kind of, such as, as well as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 15.1003584229 152% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 9.8082437276 92% => OK
Conjunction : 29.0 13.8261648746 210% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 20.0 11.0286738351 181% => OK
Pronoun: 44.0 43.0788530466 102% => OK
Preposition: 89.0 52.1666666667 171% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 8.0752688172 149% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3239.0 1977.66487455 164% => OK
No of words: 633.0 407.700716846 155% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.11690363349 4.8611393121 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.01592376844 4.48103885553 112% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.84522070826 2.67179642975 106% => OK
Unique words: 302.0 212.727598566 142% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.477093206951 0.524837075471 91% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 1000.8 618.680645161 162% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 9.59856630824 94% => OK
Article: 4.0 3.08781362007 130% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 3.51792114695 171% => OK
Conjunction: 5.0 1.86738351254 268% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 11.0 4.94265232975 223% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 20.6003584229 87% => OK
Sentence length: 35.0 20.1344086022 174% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 97.79968189 48.9658058833 200% => OK
Chars per sentence: 179.944444444 100.406767564 179% => OK
Words per sentence: 35.1666666667 20.6045352989 171% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.0 5.45110844103 147% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.5376344086 90% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 14.0 11.8709677419 118% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 3.85842293907 26% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.88709677419 61% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.321071354057 0.236089414692 136% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.10447374058 0.076458572812 137% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.097145935275 0.0737576698707 132% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.216642426586 0.150856017488 144% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0884359870306 0.0645574589148 137% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 20.3 11.7677419355 173% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 35.95 58.1214874552 62% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 6.10430107527 183% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 16.9 10.1575268817 166% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.01 10.9000537634 119% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.19 8.01818996416 115% => OK
difficult_words: 153.0 86.8835125448 176% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 21.0 10.002688172 210% => Linsear_write_formula is high.
gunning_fog: 16.0 10.0537634409 159% => OK
text_standard: 21.0 10.247311828 205% => The average readability is very high. Good job!
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.