Hi, Please correct my essay, many thanksDo you agree or disagree with the following statement?Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them.

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Hi, Please correct my essay, many thanks

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them.

Although many people believe that playing computer game is harmful for children, I do strongly disagree with this belief. In my opinion playing computer games could be beneficial for children if their parents be aware enough about it and systematically control their children in order to prevent harmful effects.

Children may develop their computer skills through playing computer game; also parents might be able to consider it as a prize for their children in order to appreciate them. In addition I think that if parents consider it harmful and do not let their child to play these kinds of games; children will have more problems, since all their friends may do it, and children would become jealous of their friends.

Doubtless, playing computer games is not always a waste of time. Children may develop their skills unconsciously while doing these games, and this is really helpful for their future. An example from my own life may shed some light on this issue, I remember the time when I was ten years old; I was addicted to play computer games day and night. Actually at that time my parents did not prevent me doing that; now I think it was a turning point in my life. After that period, I started learning different computer programs which helped me a lot in a way that I became specialist in that area.

It is difficult to believe that parents these days are under duress to satisfy their children’s expectations, but it is true. Actually they have to reward their kids in different kinds of situation. Letting children playing computer games is very helpful in these situation. Just imagine your kid do not do his homework on time, you may ask him to do his best in order to be considered computer games. Since all children are interested in them, they strongly react to the decision you have made and may do their homework as soon as possible.

The other side of the coin is however, they community which children communicate and socialize with. You may not be able to prevent your kid’s tendency to imitate their friends. It is somehow natural in children; they try a lot to be similar to their friends. Every day your kid may hear about various kinds of computer games; in this situation it not useful to avoid children and insist on the idea that these games are a waste of time, but it seems that the best solution is to let them free at least for a short period of time. In this way they have the chance to experience their world much better.

To put it in a nut shell, one should note that playing computer games is not always a waste of time as long as parents organize their children in different situations. Sometimes they have the chance to increase their kid’s knowledge, or to boost their courage through these games. Moreover, parents should think about some other factors which are more important than time. Maybe kids make better friends or communicate much better when they have the opportunity to be similar to their friends.

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they community which children communicate and socialize with
the community which children communicate and socialize with

it not useful
it is not useful

also parents might be able to consider it as a prize for their children in order to appreciate them.
Description: 'them' refers to what?

flaws:
Duplicate words or sentences. Look:
No. of Words: 520 while No. of Different Words: 215

Around 350 words are enough.

better to have 4-5 paragraphs:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1
para 3: reason 2
para 4: reason 3 (optional)
para 5: conclusion

or:

para 1: introduction
para 2: idea one.
para 3: however, idea two
para 4: in my opinion...

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 22 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 520 350
No. of Characters: 2389 1500
No. of Different Words: 215 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.775 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.594 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.36 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 152 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 127 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 75 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 27 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.609 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.278 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.609 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.326 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.537 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.121 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5