People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
It is a highly debated issue whether or not people attend college or university to get new experiences, career preparation, or to increase their knowledge, and this topic can be approached from several angles due to its complexity. While some people tend to think that attending school is to get new experiences, others seem to disagree with it. Deeply deliberating over the issue, I believe that most of the people attend college or university for career preparation, and the following discussion reveals my stand and reasoning.
First of all, the most important thing in our life is that to have a descent job. If you tried to apply for any job, the first thing they are going to ask you is the school degree; and whenever you have spent more years in your education, the more chances that you get to be accepted in that job. For example, when I finished my high school, I wasn't sure which college to attend. My brother advised me to go to the pharmacy college, and the main reason that he gave me at that time is that I will have no trouble to find a job after graduation. As a result, I attended the pharmacy college. After graduation, I was able to open my own pharmacy and working in a hospital at the same time. As you could see, having a job is certainly the most important thing in anybody lives, and that's why most people go to college in the first place.
Second, you could get more experiences and more knowledge out of the school, but you can't prepare for your career without attending school. For instance, my husband is a physician and this is his career, and he likes sports, especially the football which is his hobby. He didn't study about football while he was in the college, but he knows a lot of information about it. So, he got his knowledge and experiences about football, from reading several books and watching many games. If I compare this knowledge to the knowledge that he got while he was in the medical school, I could see that he wouldn't be a physician today if he didn't prepare for his career in the college and he can't get it through studying books or watching television as he did with learning about the football.
In conclusion, I believe that most of the people attend school to prepare for their career. Not only are they able to find a better job. But also they can't get certain career unless they enter the college, and they can't learn it outside the school as they could do with learning new experiences or new knowledge.
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the most important thing in our life is that to have a descent job.
the most important thing in our life is to have a descent job.
in anybody lives
in anybody's lives
Not only are they able to find a better job. But also they can't get certain career unless they enter the college
Description: Not only...but also is not used properly. related to 'But also they can't'
flaws:
You made the second reason difficult to understand.
The introduction paragraph is not developed well:
'It is a highly debated issue whether or not people attend college or university to get new experiences, career preparation, or to increase their knowledge, and this topic can be approached from several angles due to its complexity. While some people tend to think that attending school is to get new experiences...
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 17 in 30
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 451 350
No. of Characters: 1976 1500
No. of Different Words: 191 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.608 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.381 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.43 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 132 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 90 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 55 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 35 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.056 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.186 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.722 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.344 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.54 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.198 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5