The school should spend money on after class social activities or to improve food quality

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The school should spend money on after class social activities or to improve food quality

Views differ considerably when it comes to the issue of whether the school should more money on after class social activities than on improving food quality. Some people believe that put money in after school activities would benefit students a lot, while some argue that improving food quality would be more crucial for students. I, personally, subscribe to the former idea. My reasons for this claim are manifold, three conspicuous ones of which are elaborated upon hereunder.

First and foremost, the school cares about students’ future and spending money on after class activities can increase the opportunities for students to find satisfied jobs or enroll in students’ dream school. For example, when I was a high school student, I joined in basketball activity after class. Moreover, I was the leader of the basketball team and lead my team to win a championship in National Basketball competition. After that, in the process of applying to my target college, I wrote a lot of experiences in SOP about my effort to practice and achieve my goal to successfully be a best basketball team in my country, Taiwan. Eventually, because of my unique and outstanding experiences, I am now one of students in greatest university of Taiwan. Apparently, after school activities can contribute to students’ success in the future.

For another reason, the school puts emphasis on attracting more students and holding after class activities can be a great idea to appeal to students. Take my friend, Fred, as an example, Fred wants to be a scientist in the future; thus, when he chooses which school to study, he first considers whether school has after class activities related to science. Moreover, Fred enjoy having fun. Hence, after school activities like game club would be also considered when choosing which school to attend. So, if school attempt to have more students, they definitely had better to use money to give more after class activities.

Of course, admittedly, it may be true that it would be better to invest in food quality when take students’ health into account. For instance, if school can provide students with more diversified food sources, student can take in variety of nutrition and have much balanced diet which can bring about healthier condition. However, in fact, the school can do so by negotiating with food supplier to offer more salubrious diet without additional expenditure. Therefore, after school would be first priority to invest in to maximize benefits of students.

To sum up, given the reasons described above when advantages and disadvantages of which school have to put money in: after school activities or higher food quality are carefully compared, the most striking viewpoint is obvious. In other words, I believe that spending money on after class activities is really beneficial for both school and students.

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2015-08-02 fred042102 70 view
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whether the school should more money
whether the school should spend more money

Sentence: After that, in the process of applying to my target college, I wrote a lot of experiences in SOP about my effort to practice and achieve my goal to successfully be a best basketball team in my country, Taiwan.
Description: The token a is not usually followed by an adjective, superlative
Suggestion: Refer to a and best

Sentence: Eventually, because of my unique and outstanding experiences, I am now one of students in greatest university of Taiwan.
Description: The token in is not usually followed by an adjective, superlative
Suggestion: Refer to in and greatest

Sentence: Moreover, Fred enjoy having fun.
Description: The fragment Fred enjoy having is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace enjoy with verb, past tense

it would be better to invest in food quality when take students' health into account.
it would be better to invest in food quality when taking students' health into account.

to maximize benefits of students.
to maximize the benefits of students.

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 22 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 465 350
No. of Characters: 2322 1500
No. of Different Words: 227 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.644 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.994 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.677 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 173 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 126 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 91 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 55 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.143 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.951 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.368 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.551 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.133 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5