Some parents offer their school age children money for each high grade mark they get in school Do you think this is a good idea Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

Many arguments are presented for the topic about parents offering their school-age children money for each high grade. I believe that it causes a negative impact on the children when they are rewarded monetarily for each perfect mark. I have two reasons why.
To begin with, when children are rewarded money, then it could disturb their motivation. Most people say that the financial reward increases the urge of the children to study. This is partly true because this gift might disturb the inspiration by removing the sense of achievement. This could cause the children to not be motivated when there is no money involved. Hence, the education becomes not a method toward dream but just earning financial reward.
Secondly, these kinds of financial rewards might cause disappointment to children. This is because when they fail to receive the financial reward they might feel that their effort is not acknowledged. Furthermore, when the incentive is not worthy, then the children might feel disappointed toward education. For example, when parents give money to their children, it must be worthy to keep the children motivated. In addition, when they fail to receive the this, they might be upset to continue studying.
In conclusion, I believe that giving financial rewards causes negative impact on children. This is because financial rewards cause disappointment and cause distribution on children’s motivation.

Votes
Average: 8 (2 votes)
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 454, Rule ID: DT_DT[2]
Message: Maybe you need to remove the second determiner so that only 'the' or 'this' is left.
Suggestion: the; this
... In addition, when they fail to receive the this, they might be upset to continue studyi...
^^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, furthermore, hence, if, second, secondly, so, then, for example, in addition, in conclusion, to begin with

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 12.0 15.1003584229 79% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 9.8082437276 82% => OK
Conjunction : 2.0 13.8261648746 14% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 11.0 11.0286738351 100% => OK
Pronoun: 26.0 43.0788530466 60% => OK
Preposition: 22.0 52.1666666667 42% => More preposition wanted.
Nominalization: 10.0 8.0752688172 124% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1200.0 1977.66487455 61% => OK
No of words: 224.0 407.700716846 55% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.35714285714 4.8611393121 110% => OK
Fourth root words length: 3.86867284054 4.48103885553 86% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.79097488637 2.67179642975 104% => OK
Unique words: 116.0 212.727598566 55% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.517857142857 0.524837075471 99% => OK
syllable_count: 358.2 618.680645161 58% => syllable counts are too short.
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 9.59856630824 104% => OK
Article: 1.0 3.08781362007 32% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 3.51792114695 114% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.86738351254 0% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.94265232975 61% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 20.6003584229 73% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 14.0 20.1344086022 70% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 22.4107117245 48.9658058833 46% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 80.0 100.406767564 80% => OK
Words per sentence: 14.9333333333 20.6045352989 72% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.4 5.45110844103 136% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.5376344086 18% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 11.8709677419 76% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 3.85842293907 130% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.88709677419 20% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.229893617811 0.236089414692 97% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0897889517364 0.076458572812 117% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.090459314517 0.0737576698707 123% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.165903411975 0.150856017488 110% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.121067573709 0.0645574589148 188% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.3 11.7677419355 96% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 57.27 58.1214874552 99% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.8 10.1575268817 87% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.22 10.9000537634 121% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.93 8.01818996416 99% => OK
difficult_words: 51.0 86.8835125448 59% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 7.0 10.002688172 70% => OK
gunning_fog: 7.6 10.0537634409 76% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 10.247311828 78% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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We are expecting: No. of Words: 350 while No. of Different Words: 200
Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.

So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:

reasons == advantages or

reasons == disadvantages

for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

Minimum 250 words wanted.

Rates: 60.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 18.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.