Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
According to me, it depends on the environment of the family and the nature of an individual. In today's generation, young people are becoming more and more self independent rather than previously when they always need support from their parents. But as I said earlier that it totally depends on the nature of an individual. While there are many young adults who prefer to live in an environment where they receive emotional support and advise from the family members when necessary. It also depends on how the child is raised. A business family will always want his/her child to help them in the family business. So in this case there are more likely chances that the individual will prefer to live with their family for a longer time. But there are always exceptions, an individual would also like to setup his/her own business and become self independent.
Another example I would like to describe is thinking and nature of an individual. In an environment where thoughts of individuals do not match, there are more chances that he/she will becoming nuclear.
Therefore it is very difficult to be judgmental in this case. In both the situation, my opinion would be that every individual is different and will be having his/her own ideas and views to a situation. So we should not stop or judge anyone by their thinking. Whether he/she wants to become self-independent as soon as possible or prefers to live for a longer time with their family. The family should support in every decision that he/she takes and give proper advice when felt necessary but never stop them as it will result into emotional breakdown of an individual and he/she will feel and become more dependent. And in future also they will always be dependent on others and loose their power to take any decision. But in any case, the most important thing should be emotional harmony within the family.
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Comments
Thank you so much for
Thank you so much for evaluating my essay. I have noted down your suggestions. I will soon submit another essay with considering your advice.
Another example I would like to describe is thinking and nature of an individual.
Description: two verbs in one sentence. can you re-write this sentence?
that he/she will becoming nuclear.
that he/she will be becoming nuclear.
that he/she will become nuclear.
flaws:
better to have 4-5 paragraphs:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1
para 3: reason 2
para 4: reason 3 (optional)
para 5: conclusion
or:
para 1: introduction
para 2: idea one.
para 3: however, idea two
para 4: in my opinion...
or Try this pattern:
Para 1: introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree.
Para 2: First,reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 2 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).
Para 3: Second,reason 2 ,blabla... do the same thing as First
Para 4: Third, reason 3 blabla... do the same thing as First but shorter
Para 5: Conclusion.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 17 in 30
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 328 350
No. of Characters: 1519 1500
No. of Different Words: 151 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.256 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.631 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.488 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 105 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 66 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 45 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 33 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.294 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.363 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.588 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.334 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.458 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.138 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 3 5