TOEFL ESSAY: Leaders like John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King have made important contributions to other people of the United States. Name another world leader you think is important. Give specific reasons for your choice.
World leaders have their reputation for changing the lives of many people in a specific region. Many world leaders are known because of making peace to the society such as Gandhi in India. Many others are on the other hand known as great war leaders such as Hitler. But one important world leader who changed the path of many people not only in my homeland Iran, but also many Muslim countries to a new destiny is Imam Khomeini.
Rouhollah Mosavi Khomeini known as Imam Khomeini or sometimes "Imam" was the person who changed Iran's regime from The Kingdom of Iran to The Islamic Republic of Iran. The word Imam means leader and that shows that he had leaded many who were not happy about the countries rulers at that time. With his burning speeches against the regime, and with the help of people with bare hand, he brought independence to Iran.
Imam had a great influence on the people, which this influence was not gained from his physical power. The power he had, was brought from his deep faith. He knew exactly what he had to do in order to make his thoughts for having a free country come true. And because many of the people in Iran were Muslims, and the great thoughts he had were based on a Muslim society, the people easily accepted the changes through Imam's speeches and lead to the unity of this majority.
This unity lead to Iran's revolution on the twenty second of the month Bahman at year 1357, based on the Persian calendar. Through this revolution Muslim laws became the official law simultaniously having people involved in major decisions by becoming a republic community.
All in all, Imam Khomeini was a great leader who changed many peoples lives. Although Iran's revolution definitely changed Iranians lives, but it also had an influence on Iran's neighbor countries. Because of this tremendous change in the region, he is known as one of the greatest world leaders.
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This unity lead to Iran's revolution
This unity leads to Iran's revolution
Although Iran's revolution definitely changed Iranians lives, but it also had an influence on Iran's neighbor countries.
Description: don't put 'although' 'but' in one sentence.
Sentence: All in all, Imam Khomeini was a great leader who changed many peoples lives.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to peoples and lives
Sentence: Through this revolution Muslim laws became the official law simultaniously having people involved in major decisions by becoming a republic community.
Error: simultaniously Suggestion: simultaneously
flaws:
No. of Different Words: 162 200
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 23 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 331 350
No. of Characters: 1530 1500
No. of Different Words: 162 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.265 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.622 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.266 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 110 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 71 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 43 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 19 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.688 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.817 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.312 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.36 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.609 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.194 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5