TOEFL ESSAY: Many people believe it is very important to make large amounts of money, while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living. Analyze each viewpoint and take a stand. Give specific reasons for your position.
Each person start his own earnings to make a living from around 18. Although some are still dependent after that because of their education, but they also look for some ways to find their own way of making money. Many people believe the more money they make, the more reputation, ease of life and fun they will have. On the other hand, many others just look at their earnings as a not much important material to make their lives comfortable and happy. In my view, a person mustn't see money as a tool for bringing satisfaction to his life for a couple of reasons that go as follow.
My major reason for having this view goes back to people's thoughts and minds. A person looking for an improvement in his investments and earnings does not have a free mind. Such a man always has stress with himself that sometimes even disturbs his relaxation moments. For example, a tradesman that has an import/export job always carries different annoying ideas about what might happen to his goods. This takes much of his energy and prevents having a free mind. And without a free mind, there will not be much happiness in one's life.
Moreover, satisfaction is not reached only by having more money. The way a person looks at his life is more important, which is mainly taught in early stages of life; and depends on a person's family, culture and self-education. In other words the big picture he creates of his own life, that has his other moral achievements highlighted in it can make a person much more satisfied than a person who just has gained money without such earnings.
Last but not least, If somebody has his life consumed in making money most of the times, he will not have plenty of time for spending it. Since life is short, and the middle ages are the most efficient ages in both having the opportunity to make money and the healthiness and energy to spend it, a great trade-off comes up. You can use your time to make more money without any other time left to spend it. Or you can have less outcome but have more time in spending it.
To have a conclusion, an individual can reach much more satisfaction in his life when having less money in his pocket but instead having a free mind, with plenty of time to spend with his friends and family and a great view towards his life.
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Sentence: Each person start his own earnings to make a living from around 18.
Description: The fragment person start his is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace start with verb, past tense
Sentence: On the other hand, many others just look at their earnings as a not much important material to make their lives comfortable and happy.
Description: The token a is not usually followed by a negator
Suggestion: Refer to a and not
Sentence: In my view, a person mustn't see money as a tool for bringing satisfaction to his life for a couple of reasons that go as follow.
Error: mustn Suggestion: must
flaws:
Duplicate words or sentences. Look:
No. of Words: 417 while No. of Different Words: 204
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 23 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 417 350
No. of Characters: 1823 1500
No. of Different Words: 204 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.519 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.372 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.294 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 103 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 64 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 44 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 26 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.947 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.523 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.474 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.344 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.55 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.151 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5