TPO 24 Task 2
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job.
This is a controversial notion which has always serious debates between two groups of people. Critics cite some drawbacks, while advocates list many profits. As I see it, a part-time job will offer students plenty of advantages hence is well worth to try it.
To begin with, by working as a part-time employee children will understand how hard is to make money. Therefore, they will well appreciate their parents' great efforts to support them financially and also they will learn that they should eliminate their unnecessary costs. Consequently, a part-time job teaches children how significant is to moderate their costs and care about their current expenses. In their adulthood, these valuable life lessons can be implemented by them to improve their life situation and achieve a high level of life satisfaction. For instance, I remember I had a part-time job at a supermarket in my childhood. After a while of working I noticed a big change in my expensing habits and I was more careful about each penny I was spending.
Furthermore, a part-time job can give them the chance to get a sense of independence through which they can increase their self-confidence. Therefore, they can get more skills and abilities because they feel that they are stronger and they have motivation to try new experiences. Although, by working part-time they cannot expect a fair amount of money as income, that little amount of cash can be meet their need to buy some cheap goods and this is a great feeling. For example, after some months of working I could buy a toy car which my friends liked to have but their parents did not afford it.
On the other hand, opponents assert that working part-time will give students a penchant to make money more and more and it can even tempt them to drop their education in order to follow business. What they mean is that, the benefits of working for children are in fact disadvantages, so it is preferable for parents to not trigger their children to work in their childhood. They illustrates that even if children do not give up their education they probably will have less enthusiasm to study hard.
All things concerned, however, in weighing pros and cons of part-time job for children, I believe its profits picturesquely outweigh disadvantages. I think parents must motivate children to work beside their study, but they are also responsible to inform them about the significance of education as well.
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- Tpo 12-1 80
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so it is preferable for parents to not trigger their children
so it is preferable for parents not to trigger their children
They illustrates that
They illustrate that
Sentence: After a while of working I noticed a big change in my expensing habits and I was more careful about each penny I was spending.
Error: expensing Suggestion: No alternate word
flaws:
More sentences varieties wanted. Try to use less pronouns or not to use pronouns (like 'It, I, They, We, You...') as the subject of a sentence.
for example:
Therefore, they will well appreciate their parents' great efforts to support them financially and also
they will learn that they should eliminate their unnecessary costs
I remember
I had a part-time job at a supermarket in my childhood. After a while of working
I noticed a big change in my expensing habits and
I was more careful about each penny
I was spending.
they can get more skills and abilities because
they feel that they are stronger and
they have motivation to try new experiences.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 21 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 411 350
No. of Characters: 1978 1500
No. of Different Words: 212 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.503 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.813 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.738 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 130 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 107 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 74 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 48 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.833 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.517 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.833 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.32 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.551 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.11 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5