In the recent hectic era, success in the educational career of their offspring, has become a paramount issue that preoccupying a plethora of parents' mind. They try to use many methods to encourage their young to put more effort and gain more and more achievement in their schooling. One of these approaches is offering children money for a high grade they get in school. A throng of parents maintain that this means and proposing persuasive measure is an effective way to inspiring the youngsters to spend more time on studying rather than on entertainment. While others are against this method and argue this method could grow the children as money lover and teach them that you should do anything just for paying off as a moral duty. As far as I am concerned, the former point carries more weight, especially if it combined by some sort of penalty for low mark. I take this advantage point on the account of the following arguments.
First and for most, the carrot and stick approach is based on a natural law that rules over our world. Neglecting some exceptions, you always take rewards for doing good works and punishment for bad ones. By using this method, children would learn this natural rule and adopt themselves. This rule can be generalized in nearly every aspect of the life. You do exercise and will be rewarded by getting a good shape and a healthy state. Even in a broader point of view, men polluted the environment and they punished by many disease and difficulties. Did they pay attention to this rule, they would think more about what they did. Admittedly, we cannot ignore the fact that there are enormous cases that we are interested that have nothing about money, namely sacrifice, patriotism, faith, religion and much more.But if we scrutinize it, we found out the aforementioned law again rules. The difference is, this time the reward is getting mental satisfaction instead of worldly ones.
Furthermore, in the learning process, that is the main goal of this method, it has been proved that the system of reward and punishment is the way our brain follows. In fact, the synaptic connection forms in the brain when it get some rewards. Even in Artificial Intelligence that is a cutting-edge branch of computer science discipline, scientist imitate the humans' brain and make artificial neural networks that is the basis for many the-state-of-the-art issues like computer vision and voice recognition and many more. These artificial neural networks act exactly on the basis of the system of reward and punishment. Albeit mathematically rather than biologically. Therefore we see how effective the carrot and stick method could be used for learning process.
To sum up, after all factors being taken into consideration, we might come to a conclusion that the advantageous of paying money to school-age children for good marks, surpass its disadvantageous. Albeit some psychological matters should be considered. We must always remember in this rapidly growing competitive world, success in educational career is a strong corner stone that one could stablish his brilliant future on it. As a result, parents whose ultimate goal is providing a booming and bustling future for their young, should implement such means to encourage them to study more and more.
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- TPO 49 - Integrated writing 61
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 842, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...specially if it combined by some sort of penalty for low mark. I take this advant...
^^
Line 3, column 50, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... for most, the carrot and stick approach is based on a natural law that rules ove...
^^
Line 3, column 520, Rule ID: MANY_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun disease seems to be countable; consider using: 'many diseases'.
Suggestion: many diseases
...ed the environment and they punished by many disease and difficulties. Did they pay attentio...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 813, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: But
...triotism, faith, religion and much more.But if we scrutinize it, we found out the a...
^^^
Line 5, column 227, Rule ID: IT_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'gets'?
Suggestion: gets
...c connection forms in the brain when it get some rewards. Even in Artificial Intell...
^^^
Line 5, column 669, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Therefore,
...athematically rather than biologically. Therefore we see how effective the carrot and sti...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 755, Rule ID: AFFORD_VB[1]
Message: This verb is used with the infinitive: 'to process'
Suggestion: to process
...stick method could be used for learning process. To sum up, after all factors being ...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, furthermore, if, so, therefore, while, after all, in fact, sort of, as a result, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 20.0 15.1003584229 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 9.8082437276 133% => OK
Conjunction : 23.0 13.8261648746 166% => OK
Relative clauses : 15.0 11.0286738351 136% => OK
Pronoun: 60.0 43.0788530466 139% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 59.0 52.1666666667 113% => OK
Nominalization: 15.0 8.0752688172 186% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2744.0 1977.66487455 139% => OK
No of words: 545.0 407.700716846 134% => OK
Chars per words: 5.03486238532 4.8611393121 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.83169070408 4.48103885553 108% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.84295688291 2.67179642975 106% => OK
Unique words: 297.0 212.727598566 140% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.54495412844 0.524837075471 104% => OK
syllable_count: 843.3 618.680645161 136% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 14.0 9.59856630824 146% => OK
Article: 5.0 3.08781362007 162% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 3.51792114695 114% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.94265232975 121% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 26.0 20.6003584229 126% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 20.1344086022 99% => OK
Sentence length SD: 58.6648413402 48.9658058833 120% => OK
Chars per sentence: 105.538461538 100.406767564 105% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.9615384615 20.6045352989 102% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.92307692308 5.45110844103 72% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 5.5376344086 126% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 18.0 11.8709677419 152% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 3.85842293907 130% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.88709677419 61% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.245232328256 0.236089414692 104% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.066380994169 0.076458572812 87% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0679994228848 0.0737576698707 92% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.145272349919 0.150856017488 96% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0696208465553 0.0645574589148 108% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.7 11.7677419355 108% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 59.64 58.1214874552 103% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 10.1575268817 97% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.89 10.9000537634 109% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.48 8.01818996416 106% => OK
difficult_words: 133.0 86.8835125448 153% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 10.002688172 105% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 10.0537634409 99% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 10.247311828 98% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 90.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 27.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.