TPO20 - Q2
Taking huge risks plays an essential role in everyone's life. Some thinks that we should follow established rules that have been tested before because their results are obvious, but some thinks we should take the risk of doing new things to be successful. If you ask me I would say we have to take risks in order to make progress, and I have reasons for that.
First, creating new stuff rather than duplicating previous things can lead to a huge increase of the chance of being wealthy. For example, a person called Steve Jobs made a new product called iPhone. In that time Nokia and Samsung were leading the mobile market, but with coming IPhone, people stopped buying old phones with big keyboards; actually they became interested in touchpads, and smart systems. Well finally Nokia broke ,and their company was closed because they didn't try to adapt to the new change ;however Samsung managed to survive the change, and quickly tried to make smartphones like Iphone ,for example, they produced Galaxy Samsung series which is popular now. Therefore if we do something new; we are going to be wealthy maybe, but if something new happens, and we don't change with it quickly , we are sure to fail.
Second, I think if we follow what has been tested before ,and don't take the risk of doing a new thing; we are not going to be different because everyone else is going the same way that you are going because they know what they are going to face with. For example, I was in chemistry class ,and the teacher asked the students to memorize a scientific sentence. I couldn't memorize it through normal ways like repeating the sentence over and over until it sticks in my mind, so I tried to make funny picture of every word of the sentence in my mind, and recall the images in sequence. My friends couldn't memorize the sentence, but they kept repeating the sentence to themselves, and did not try to find a new way, a new method to deal with it. Luckily, my method worked perfectly even though it was the first time that I used it. At the end, I was the only one who got the point of the given task. So basically following previous rules of doing stuff may not work every time, and we have to make a change in the method to be successful at doing the job' not being afraid of failure.
As I mentioned before, some people do what they already know how to do, and some people do something new. I think it is not the risks of new things we should afraid of, actually, we should afraid of not being creative as Steve jobs and I were able to successes ,but others failed, so you try to try things in a new creative way to see the desired results. you may not be successful but at least you have made something new.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
flaws:
No. of Words: 502 while No. of Different Words: 223
We are expecting:
No. of Words: 350 while No. of Different Words: 200
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better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1
para 3: reason 2
para 4: reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
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or Try this pattern in details:
Para 1: introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree. (suppose we support side A)
Para 2: First, reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 1 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).
Para 3: Second, reason 2, blabla... do the same thing as First
Para 4: Admittedly, there are some advantages of side B. first,....second...However, there is no causation/relation... Still I support side A, ...first,....second...
Para 5: Conclusion.
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For independent TOEFL essays, the e-graders need a full essay topic to march the content.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 22 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 502 350
No. of Characters: 2147 1500
No. of Different Words: 223 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.733 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.277 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.209 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 144 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 85 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 48 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 27 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 29.529 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 14.238 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.824 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.333 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.509 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.162 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
what do you mean by these?
what do you mean by these?
flaws:
No. of Words: 502 while No. of Different Words: 223
We are expecting:
No. of Words: 350 while No. of Different Words: 200
I wrote 500 words, is it bad?
It is not bad, but it has a
It is not bad, but it has a lot of duplicated content. We are expecting more different words.
does it really matter to
does it really matter to bring 2 arguments or 3 ?
Do 3 arguments receive a higher score?
We think so. With 3 arguments
We think so. With 3 arguments, you are likely to put more different words in more ideas. and more ideas may also give more credits.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
Taking huge risks plays an essential rol...
^^^^
Line 2, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...progress, and I have reasons for that. First, creating new stuff rather than du...
^^^
Line 2, column 432, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
... smart systems. Well finally Nokia broke ,and their company was closed because the...
^^
Line 2, column 476, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: didn't
...d their company was closed because they didnt try to adapt to the new change ;however...
^^^^^
Line 2, column 610, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...ly tried to make smartphones like Iphone ,for example, they produced Galaxy Samsun...
^^
Line 2, column 683, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Therefore,
...xy Samsung series which is popular now. Therefore if we do something new; we are going to...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 788, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
...e, but if something new happens, and we dont change with it quickly , we are sure to...
^^^^
Line 2, column 815, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...pens, and we dont change with it quickly , we are sure to fail. Second, I thin...
^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...with it quickly , we are sure to fail. Second, I think if we follow what has be...
^^^
Line 3, column 60, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...if we follow what has been tested before ,and dont take the risk of doing a new th...
^^
Line 3, column 66, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
...follow what has been tested before ,and dont take the risk of doing a new thing; we ...
^^^^
Line 3, column 291, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...h. For example, I was in chemistry class ,and the teacher asked the students to me...
^^
Line 3, column 365, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: couldn't
...ts to memorize a scientific sentence. I couldnt memorize it through normal ways like re...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 596, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: couldn't
...call the images in sequence. My friends couldnt memorize the sentence, but they kept re...
^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...g the job not being afraid of failure. As I mentioned before, some people do wh...
^^^
Line 4, column 263, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
... Steve jobs and I were able to successes ,but others failed, so you try to try thi...
^^
Line 4, column 359, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: You
...reative way to see the desired results. you may not be successful but at least you ...
^^^
Discourse Markers used:
['actually', 'but', 'finally', 'first', 'however', 'if', 'may', 'second', 'so', 'therefore', 'well', 'at least', 'for example', 'i think']
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance in Part of Speech:
Nouns: 0.186932849365 0.229887763892 81% => OK
Verbs: 0.212341197822 0.158761421928 134% => OK
Adjectives: 0.0816696914701 0.0866891130778 94% => OK
Adverbs: 0.0417422867514 0.046263068375 90% => OK
Pronouns: 0.0907441016334 0.0685040099705 132% => Less pronouns wanted. Try not to use 'you, I, they, he...' as the subject of a sentence
Prepositions: 0.10889292196 0.118717715034 92% => OK
Participles: 0.05444646098 0.0351676179071 155% => OK
Conjunctions: 2.2677787099 2.67179642975 85% => OK
Infinitives: 0.0417422867514 0.0309702414327 135% => OK
Particles: 0.0 0.00188951952338 0% => OK
Determiners: 0.0744101633394 0.0887237588012 84% => OK
Modal_auxiliary: 0.0145190562613 0.0209618222197 69% => OK
WH_determiners: 0.0127041742287 0.0139019557991 91% => OK
Vocabulary words and sentences:
No of characters: 2715.0 2387.08602151 114% => OK
No of words: 498.0 408.028673835 122% => OK
Chars per words: 5.45180722892 5.86048508987 93% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.72397222731 4.48200974243 105% => OK
words length more than 5 chars: 0.295180722892 0.338922669872 87% => OK
words length more than 6 chars: 0.18875502008 0.251872472559 75% => OK
words length more than 7 chars: 0.118473895582 0.174417080927 68% => OK
words length more than 8 chars: 0.0642570281124 0.112833075102 57% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.2677787099 2.67179642975 85% => OK
Unique words: 234.0 212.727598566 110% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.469879518072 0.524397521467 90% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
Word variations: 54.1151965037 59.2087087015 91% => OK
How many sentences: 18.0 20.6684587814 87% => OK
Sentence length: 27.6666666667 20.5533526081 135% => OK
Sentence length SD: 68.2206840217 48.84282405 140% => OK
Chars per sentence: 150.833333333 120.699889404 125% => OK
Words per sentence: 27.6666666667 20.5533526081 135% => OK
Discourse Markers: 0.777777777778 0.644075263715 121% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.5376344086 88% => OK
Language errors: 17.0 5.54480286738 307% => Correct essay format wanted or double check grammar & spelling issues after essay writing.
Readability: 46.5421686747 45.7405998639 102% => OK
Elegance: 1.01578947368 1.45489161554 70% => OK
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0 0.300154397459 0% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence sentence coherence: 0.131773231902 0.103427244359 127% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence SD: 0.107056781667 0.0752933317313 142% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence: 0.504313409464 0.497263757937 101% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence SD: 0.141088150147 0.151897553556 93% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0 0.114077575197 0% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0 0.0781384742642 0% => The sentences are too close to each other.
Paragraph paragraph coherence: 0.367194414398 0.336927656856 109% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence SD: 0.0726087776105 0.067059652881 108% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0 0.210909579961 0% => The content is off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0 0.0618886996521 0% => The ideas may be duplicated in paragraphs.
Task Achievement:
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 11.8870967742 101% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 3.86379928315 78% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.91756272401 61% => OK
Positive topic words: 11.0 8.42114695341 131% => OK
Negative topic words: 2.0 2.4623655914 81% => OK
Neutral topic words: 3.0 2.75985663082 109% => OK
Total topic words: 16.0 13.6433691756 117% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
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Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: This is not the final score. The e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.