TPO5. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment, doing things they like to do, rather than doing things they should do.
Modern technology has changed the perspectives of people towards personal enjoyment compared to that of people in the past. Some believe that modern people reluctantly carry work they feel obliged to complete. On the other hand, others have the opposite viewpoint, arguing that these days, people are more involved in their professional work than their personal hobbies. As far as I am concerned, I hold the former opinion, since advanced technology has eased the professional work and helped people to have more leisure time. In the following argument, some evidences are addressed to substantiate my point of view.
To start with, advanced technology has made professional jobs much easier than the blue-collar jobs in the past. Most jobs, are now performed with the help of advanced computers and automation systems. This means that modern people are not required to undertake physical activities to fulfil a handy job, which was common in the past. I remember a first-hand experience here. My Grandfather, lived in Yazd, a city in Iran, is a farmer who prefers to use the old agricultural techniques and due to physical activities of gardening, animal husbandry and irritation, he has barely travelled probably once every five years. On the other hand, my uncle, lived in Australia, has used the state-of-the-art machineries which enable him to have more spare time. As this example clarifies, people in the past could not engage in personal hobbies as much as today’s people on account of limited technology were available in the past.
In addition, nowadays, there are various kinds of leisure activities, and technology has enabled people to have time to try things they prefer. One of the most common personal enjoyments is travelling. Modern airplanes and automobiles have caused a tremendous reduction in travel time. Continental travel is now possible, and travelling has now become as a fashion. These days, people generally live better off compared to the past. Therefore, they can afford flight fees while in the past people neither could afford long distant trips nor was the technology well-developed. It can undoubtedly understand from this explanation why currently we are inclined to personal hobbies considerably more than our ancestors.
On the other hand, some may say that because of high amount of works and the related pressure and stress, modern people concentrate on their professions more than having leisure times. They are now forced to keep pace with the working environment which results in having less time for their personal enjoyments. I am against of this notion as technology enables employees to perform their job even in their home. These days, there are various kinds of companies where job seekers can choose whatever job they like to apply. This option was rare in the past due to the lack of available job market. Furthermore, distance learning has made education more convenient and students can choose between a huge range of universities and schools to continue their studies. So they can have enough time for their hobbies.
In conclusion, I am of the opinion that people are more engaged in personal enjoyment, tending to have different options for everything from sport and leisure activities to availability of jobs.
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| 2017-03-30 | daniel8564 | 31 | view |
| 2016-07-24 | Vida Pashaei | 76 | view |
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
people in the past could not engage in personal hobbies as much as today’s people on account of limited technology were available in the past.
people in the past could not engage in personal hobbies as much as today’s people on account of limited technologies which were available in the past. //'on account of' == 'because of'
Sentence: This means that modern people are not required to undertake physical activities to fulfil a handy job, which was common in the past.
Error: fulfil Suggestion: fulfill
flaws:
The essay is not exactly right on the topic. Look at the key words:
'too much time' is not equal to 'a lot of time'. It is somehow negative.
'things they like to do' is not equal to hobbies. for example, people watch TV programs a lot, but it doesn't mean it is a hobby.
'rather than doing things they should do' is the focus of the topic.
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No. of Words: 529 350 //still the words are too much. You will need to change the style of the introduction. It has a 'pattern' inside and it is wordy. The introduction could be very simple with one or two sentences. For example, for this essay, we may say:
I disagree the topic. I think people nowadays can spend relatively more time on personal enjoyment, but in the meantime, they still do things they should do pretty well.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ? in 30 //'?' means the score will be very low in the actual exam
Category: ? Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 27 15
No. of Words: 529 350
No. of Characters: 2677 1500
No. of Different Words: 264 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.796 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.06 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.731 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 198 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 147 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 106 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 75 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.593 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.766 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.333 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.287 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.449 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.078 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 461, Rule ID: AFFORD_VB[1]
Message: This verb is used with the infinitive: 'to flight'
Suggestion: to flight
...to the past. Therefore, they can afford flight fees while in the past people neither c...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 519, Rule ID: AFFORD_VB[1]
Message: This verb is used with the infinitive: 'to long'
Suggestion: to long
...in the past people neither could afford long distant trips nor was the technology we...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
first, furthermore, if, may, so, therefore, well, while, as to, in addition, in conclusion, to start with, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 15.1003584229 106% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 9.8082437276 82% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 13.8261648746 94% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 11.0286738351 100% => OK
Pronoun: 41.0 43.0788530466 95% => OK
Preposition: 80.0 52.1666666667 153% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 8.0752688172 149% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2760.0 1977.66487455 140% => OK
No of words: 528.0 407.700716846 130% => OK
Chars per words: 5.22727272727 4.8611393121 108% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.79356345386 4.48103885553 107% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.84280744655 2.67179642975 106% => OK
Unique words: 264.0 212.727598566 124% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.5 0.524837075471 95% => OK
syllable_count: 869.4 618.680645161 141% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 14.0 9.59856630824 146% => OK
Interrogative: 0.0 0.994623655914 0% => OK
Article: 1.0 3.08781362007 32% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 3.51792114695 85% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.86738351254 107% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.94265232975 162% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 27.0 20.6003584229 131% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 20.1344086022 94% => OK
Sentence length SD: 47.8504471758 48.9658058833 98% => OK
Chars per sentence: 102.222222222 100.406767564 102% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.5555555556 20.6045352989 95% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.59259259259 5.45110844103 84% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.53405017921 110% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.5376344086 36% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 11.8709677419 93% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 3.85842293907 156% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 10.0 4.88709677419 205% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.124227120991 0.236089414692 53% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0378598867306 0.076458572812 50% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0313401638978 0.0737576698707 42% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0766401063013 0.150856017488 51% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.01854877199 0.0645574589148 29% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.0 11.7677419355 110% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 52.19 58.1214874552 90% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 10.1575268817 105% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.05 10.9000537634 120% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.53 8.01818996416 106% => OK
difficult_words: 132.0 86.8835125448 152% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 10.002688172 115% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 10.0537634409 95% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 10.247311828 88% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.