Integrated Writing Toefl
The reading states that USA’s schools have system from European Union which divides pupils into grades according to their age. All children should begin their study at the age of 6 which means that they go to the first grade. All in all there are 12 grades in school system. However, according to the professor children shouldn’t take up 1 grade at the same age because everyone is different socially, mentally and physically. Therefore, this difference will be felt by pupils and influence them some way.
Also, the passage says that pupils who did not assimilate knowledge enough will have to go through review in order to cover all school programs. Nevertheless, although it sounds lovely, as lecturer tells in reality it does not work. The recent study has shown that children get frustrated with repeating the same information. In aftermaths, their grades will drop.
Moreover, the reading asserts that grades schools are separated into primary grades, intermediate grades and secondary ones. All students should get their education in groups and at the end of 12 grades they will be given a high school diploma. Notwithstanding, the professor assumes that acquire knowledge sitting in a group is not beneficial because some students assimilate information faster but others quite the contrary learn it slower. So, student’s apt is different and it is not worth studying at school in groups.
flaws:
Not in the correct format.
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The correct pattern:
para 1: introduction
para 2: doubt 1
para 3: doubt 2
para 4: doubt 3
Don't need to reiterate the contents of reading passages a lot but put more content from the lecture.
Don't need a conclusion paragraph.
Read sample essays from ETS:
http://www.testbig.com/users/toeflwritingmaster
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 18 in 30
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 13 12
No. of Words: 229 250
No. of Characters: 1142 1200
No. of Different Words: 136 150
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.89 4.2
Average Word Length: 4.987 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.582 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 89 80
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 60 60
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 42 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 27 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.615 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.146 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.615 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.338 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.504 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.067 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 3 4