TOEFL integrated writing Altruism

The passages states that the altruistic acts are common among humans and other mammals and it provides several examples, on basis of which the claim can be supported. However the lecture opposes the claim.

First, the passage provides an example of meerkats, an individual of which acts as guard looking out for a predator, while the rest members of the group are hunting or actually eating. Being a guard, the individual does not get any food and remains hungry. It looks like a clear example of altruism. However, the professor provides some recent findings, which prove the opposite. It was proven that the one who plays a role of guard actually eats before. In case of danger, the guard can escape much easier that the rest of the group. Hence, those animals, which are looking for food are in more danger that the guard. The behavior of the animal does not look like altruism.

Second, the article states that a donation of body organs is pure altruism, because people who donate actually benefit others. To oppose this statement, the professor provides an example of donation of kidney, saying that the donor receives appreciation from other people. The reward is considered valuable for some people. In other words, people's acts might look like altruism, but in fact those acts are performed to get some benefits

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Average: 4.2 (2 votes)
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 14, Rule ID: AGREEMENT_SENT_START[1]
Message: You should probably use 'state'.
Suggestion: state
The passages states that the altruistic acts are common amo...
^^^^^^
Line 1, column 168, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...is of which the claim can be supported. However the lecture opposes the claim. First...
^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, but, first, hence, however, look, second, so, while, in fact, in other words

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 10.0 10.4613686534 96% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 3.0 5.04856512141 59% => OK
Conjunction : 5.0 7.30242825607 68% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 12.0772626932 99% => OK
Pronoun: 12.0 22.412803532 54% => OK
Preposition: 27.0 30.3222958057 89% => OK
Nominalization: 4.0 5.01324503311 80% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1102.0 1373.03311258 80% => OK
No of words: 224.0 270.72406181 83% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.91964285714 5.08290768461 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 3.86867284054 4.04702891845 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.34423889459 2.5805825403 91% => OK
Unique words: 128.0 145.348785872 88% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.571428571429 0.540411800872 106% => OK
syllable_count: 342.0 419.366225166 82% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.55342163355 97% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 3.25607064018 92% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.23620309051 121% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 1.25165562914 160% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.51434878587 66% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 2.5761589404 155% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 14.0 13.0662251656 107% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 21.2450331126 75% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 44.7371005237 49.2860985944 91% => OK
Chars per sentence: 78.7142857143 110.228320801 71% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.0 21.698381199 74% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.14285714286 7.06452816374 87% => OK
Paragraphs: 3.0 4.09492273731 73% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 2.0 4.19205298013 48% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 4.33554083885 185% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 4.45695364238 45% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.27373068433 94% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0604443925183 0.272083759551 22% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0268332028352 0.0996497079465 27% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0449374353964 0.0662205650399 68% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0366627257533 0.162205337803 23% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0270887945442 0.0443174109184 61% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 9.7 13.3589403974 73% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 63.7 53.8541721854 118% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 5.55761589404 56% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.4 11.0289183223 76% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.96 12.2367328918 90% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.45 8.42419426049 100% => OK
difficult_words: 57.0 63.6247240618 90% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 7.5 10.7273730684 70% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.4 10.498013245 80% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 11.2008830022 71% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Minimum four paragraphs wanted. The correct pattern:

para 1: introduction
para 2: doubt 1
para 3: doubt 2
para 4: doubt 3

Less contents wanted from the reading passages(25%), more content wanted from the lecture (75%).

Don't need a conclusion paragraph.

Read sample essays from ETS:
http://www.testbig.com/users/toeflwritingmaster

It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.

Rates: 3.33333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.