TPO-46 - Integrated Writing Task In the United States, medical information about patients traditionally has been recorded and stored on paper forms. However, there are efforts to persuade doctors to adopt electronic medical record systems in which informa

Both the reading passage and the lecture is primarily focused on the pros and cons of storing medical records in electronic databases rather than the traditional means of storing them on papers. While, the author discusses the advantages of using the electronic system for the storage of medical records and gives various reasons to support the claims, the professor rebuts these claims and points out the disadvantages of the the novel system of storing medical records.

First of all, the authors talks about the benefits of adopting the electronic database for storing medical records from the financial point-of-view. It is argued in the passage that storing the medical records of patients in the electronic databases enables to save money by reducing the costs of storing and transferring information. Moreover, unlike paper based storage, the space taken up by electronic storage of medical records is none. And, the doctors can easily access the records of the patients form any place and at any time, if they are stored electronically. The professor puts this claim into question by saying that the electronic means of storing data does not contribute much in case of monetary savings. This claim is supported by the fact that doctors and medical specialists keep the records of patients in paper-based forms even if they are stored in the electronic database in recent times. The doctors try to be extra-careful regarding medical records of patients and keep the paper-based record as they contain the signatures and these paper records may be required for legal procedures. Thus, the traditional way of storing medical records is still used parallely with the electronic database system and the doctors still pay storage cost.

In the second step, the author puts forward the theory of how errors in medical records have been considerably reduced with the introduction of the electronic database system. The issues with illegible handwriting, transcription of data and other forms of errors which might have had serious consequences for the patients' health can be checked with the electronic system. On the other hand, in the lecture, it is said that the doctors still use pen and paper to take notes or write prescription. It is the staff that inputs these records written by the doctors in the electronic database system, so, if the doctor's handwriting is illegible then the staff might still make errors while entering these data into the electronic database. This point made by the professor cancels the validity of the theory which the author has put forward.

Finally, medical research has been greatly benefited by the availability of medical records in electronic form because it is extremely expensive and quite impossible to go through the paper medical records of patients manually. This point made by the author is contrasted by the professor with a suitable fact that it is very difficult to access the medical records of patients even if they are stored electronically. The medical records are stored with strict privacy and the law usually forbids anyone other than the patient to have access to these records. So, the medical research teams will have to go through complicated procedures and take multiple permissions from the patient to allow them to go through their medical records. Sometimes, the patients might even block the research teams from accessing their records. Thus, it in a way proves that electronic database system of storing medical records might not be of much use to the medical research.

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Average: 7.3 (1 vote)
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 424, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: the
...ims and points out the disadvantages of the the novel system of storing medical records...
^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 424, Rule ID: DT_DT[1]
Message: Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only 'the' or 'the' is left.
Suggestion: the; the
...ims and points out the disadvantages of the the novel system of storing medical records...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 314, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'patients'' or 'patient's'?
Suggestion: patients'; patient's
...t have had serious consequences for the patients health can be checked with the electron...
^^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, finally, first, if, may, moreover, regarding, second, so, still, then, thus, while, first of all, on the other hand

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 21.0 10.4613686534 201% => Less to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 5.04856512141 158% => OK
Conjunction : 16.0 7.30242825607 219% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 9.0 12.0772626932 75% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 30.0 22.412803532 134% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 84.0 30.3222958057 277% => Less preposition wanted.
Nominalization: 5.0 5.01324503311 100% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2971.0 1373.03311258 216% => Less number of characters wanted.
No of words: 575.0 270.72406181 212% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.16695652174 5.08290768461 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.89685180668 4.04702891845 121% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.71092113197 2.5805825403 105% => OK
Unique words: 228.0 145.348785872 157% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.39652173913 0.540411800872 73% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 929.7 419.366225166 222% => syllable counts are too long.
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.55342163355 103% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 3.25607064018 215% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 13.0 8.23620309051 158% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 1.25165562914 160% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.51434878587 0% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 2.5761589404 116% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 13.0662251656 161% => OK
Sentence length: 27.0 21.2450331126 127% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 46.1582607343 49.2860985944 94% => OK
Chars per sentence: 141.476190476 110.228320801 128% => OK
Words per sentence: 27.380952381 21.698381199 126% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.71428571429 7.06452816374 81% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.09492273731 98% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 4.19205298013 72% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 4.33554083885 208% => Less positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 4.45695364238 179% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.27373068433 94% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.713472627387 0.272083759551 262% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.264344249018 0.0996497079465 265% => Sentence topic similarity is high.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.118136412012 0.0662205650399 178% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.47995942569 0.162205337803 296% => Maybe some contents are duplicated.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.123660778943 0.0443174109184 279% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.6 13.3589403974 124% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 44.07 53.8541721854 82% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 5.55761589404 202% => Smog_index is high.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.8 11.0289183223 125% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.0 12.2367328918 106% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.0 8.42419426049 95% => OK
difficult_words: 110.0 63.6247240618 173% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 19.5 10.7273730684 182% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.8 10.498013245 122% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.2008830022 116% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.